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female
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anonymous
writes: What do you not do in a breakup if you want to get the other person back?do you beg and plead?do you chase him?do you not call him or contact him? I have this guy we have been off and on for the last 4 1/2 years and he broke up with me he said that he still loves me and still wants to be together and he said that he'll miss me but he said that he would have to worry about us being alright and then i start accusing him again i only accuse him because he has cheated on me alot of times but he said that he has changed and I don't know how to think anymore. We don't still talk I never here from him but I want to be with him all i do is wait hoping that he will call what do i do i want him back but i don't want to push him away were i look pathetic everyone says that to just not call him and to go with other guys and try to make him jealous but i am not that kind of person do i still keep on waiting for him? i miss him so much before he broke up with me i was with him like everyday and then he started to become distant how do i get him back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): I know you miss him you have had him in your life since you were a young girl and basically grew up with him...Very few relationships that begin at this age are meant to last a lifetime, you are going to change a lot over the years, and I think personally it is a blessing in disguise that you are broken up...it really does not sound like a great relationship for you with all of the cheating and on again off again stuff.
I would try to join some activities or local clubs, join a gym, whatever you enjoy and get busy living your own life, you will eventually feel like dating another cute guy that comes along your way, trust me they will come your way and maybe you will be glad you did not settle down with a cheater, because that is a life of pain that you do not deserve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank ya'll for your advice its that you do got a point about why should i want him back but I am so used to him being there all the time and I really miss him alot I am 22 years I have been with him since i was 17 and he was 20 he is my first real love and I have been with him almost everday for 4 1/2 years I took him back because i love him and i did'nt ever want to be without him it is so hard for me right now. I figured we have years together why does it have to be this way? why does he have to be so cold?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): I don't know your ages, but 4 1/2 years is a long relationship especially one that is full of break ups and cheating....I don't think you really love him that much, I think something about him and the way he has been stringing you along like a yoyo has damaged your self esteem to the point that you think you are not OK on your own without him, he is like a drug that you are addicted to.
This is not love it is a classic case of co-dependency, is anyone in your family an alcholic, one of your parents or someone who raised you? If I am on to something, my suggestion to you is to seek some counseling from a licencsed behavioral or cognitive therapist, someone with a PhD would be ideal. You need support through this break up, and I think this relationship is unhealthy for you...it would show great inner strength on your part to recognize that there is something wrong when you keep letting someone abuse you in this manner and you think you love him? A professional can help you most with this, and you will be a stronger person because of it, take care, honey.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): after being with someone for as long as you have it will be hard to let go but ask yourself first why do you want him back?he has cheated on you before again and again.he is quite likely to do so again(no i'm not saying everyone who has cheated before is guaranteed to do so again but it quite likely he will.
you can look at this in one of two ways..he either does love you(in which case why would he cheat on you?why would he break up with you?)
or he is trying to make it easier on you by staying away and letting you make a clean break.
the later sounds more likely
dont waste any more time on someone who doesnt want you
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