A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What do you do when you realize that your relationship probably won't work? I love him so much but I fear he is too selfish to change because I have asked him to do more things with me, try something new, etc. I get really sad due to disappointment and it's like I'm on this rollercoaster. Do I break it off now? Or hope for the best? Or let it fizzle out? Let him end it rather than me?Also this is hard cuz I made a promise to look after him and his family to his dad after he died. So it feels like I'm breaking that promise.Please no mean comments, I don't think I can take it :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): First off OP, you never deal in "probably's" it either will or it won't, basing your options on a probably is not a good idea. Don't base your life on the hope that things will happen either, hope is what fools use as justification to be idiots "He punches me in the face every day but I can leave him because I love him and hope he will change" OP life is a lot easier when you deal in certainties, don't know if he'll change? Then it's certain he won't.
OP you're not breaking any promises, you said you'd look after him and you did as best you could didn't you? So your promise is fulfilled. I highly doubt they said you'd look after him the rest of your life did they? They certainly wouldn't have meant for you to stay and look after him at the expense of your own happiness and if they did fuck them (pardon my French), they're his family that's their job.
If your not happy in this relationship then you need to figure out what it is you want in life and whether he can *definitely* give you those things, if you're not sure, you "fear" he can't then he can't, it's as simple as that.
You need to discuss things with him, you need to figure out what he sees in your future, where he wants to go with this and what he's willing to start doing right now to fix this. No promises, no maybes, no I will start changing some day, right now OP if he doesn't then you walk.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Why would a grown man need "looking after"?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2012):
 You can hope all you want that he will change, but most likely, he won't.
You have tried to ask him to put in an effort, but so far he hasn't seemed willing, so what difference would time make, you think? Na da.
I understand the sense of obligation you feel, but that promise shouldn't be more important then your happiness and well being.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 August 2012):
 A promise like that at your age was bound to be broken, and rightly so. If you aren't happy then do a nice clean break and move on.
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