A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So....what do you do if you fall in love with someone and they don't feel the same? Says he just got out of a bad relationship and isn't ready for all that...YET! But he hugs and kisses you all the time and shit...but wants to be friends right now? Says when he would stay here and me holding him so tight at night...kind of scared him...and the way I feel scares him. Says he really likes me...that I'm perfect....but the timing isn't right. Now that my true feelings have come out....and he knows and is scared....can anyone help me and tell me how to keep him interested in me and stuff....but yet not push him completely away? Please help me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): It is possible that he is just not really interested in you all that much and he could be an excellent actor and just wants to see how long he can string you along.
But he also could be sincere. We really can't judge that sitting here at the computer screen because quite frankly there is just no guarantee when it comes to any of this romance stuff.
You have to trust your gut and go with what you know.
You have to weigh it up with what you are willing to sacrifice to have this person in your life.
To be smart, you should back off and start dating some others, because in this way you will be protecting your heart and taking care of yourself, you may meet someone you like who is ready for a relationship, or this gentleman may realize that he needs to nail this down if he doesn't want to lose you to someone else and you won't know how he feels if you keep pursuing him.
Let him carry the relationship work and be honest about how you feel, that's all you can do at this point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): been there honey, and it sucks. i dated a guy for 9 months and was into him more than he was into me. needless to say it was painful and heartbreaking, and i'm still trying to get over him 5 months later!
do yourself a favor and cut this guy off. he is not that into you and is using the "timing" excuse to not hurt your feelings. move on!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): If you think he is being for real then I would just tell him that you know things between you got kind of intense pretty fast that you hope that he won't let his fears take over and run away from something that might be really great. That you are willing to take things at a much slower place and if he wants you to date others then you will do that as well, and then do it and take so much of your focus off of him.
If he really just recently got out of a relationship good or bad, he really needs some time to heal and that could be several months. Do you really want to Wait for him or do you think dating others and remaining in his life in kind of neutral manner (not accepting the friends label, but not expecting exclusivity) would be worth it to see what develops?
You can't ignore the needs of the other person no matter if you are in love and want a relationship, if that is more than he can give you right now then you need to take care of yourself and date some other people. That isn't being a player or trying to make him jealous that is being honest with him and taking care of yourself.
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reader, SepticOrc  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 I've had the same thing happen serveral times. God made these feelings for a reason: to connect two people. If I were you, just ignore him (I know you like him a lot). Move on, is what i'm saying. Soon, those feelings will go away...you will be attracted to somebody new. I hope everything goes well for you and you find your true feelings. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, love6269 +, writes (6 January 2010):
If I were you, i would just avoid trying to take it any farther. Just wait it out, and if it doesn't go anywhere, then move on. You might be ready for something he isn't, but don't worry. It's possible that he's interested, but he might be telling the truth. Sometimes people need time to move on from the past, and that's completely okay. Just give him time and see how it goes.
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reader, dca94 +, writes (6 January 2010):
 hi
i'm guessing that there's something about the bad relationship that he's stuck on. if i was in your situation, i would tell him i'm sorry for scaring you and that whenever your ready is fine with me, and that i'll always be here for you no matter what
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