A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 14 years and together 5 years before that. Things haven't been perfect and we have been working on things for quite some thime now. We see a counselor once a week and he sees someone on his own. I have and appointment coming up to see someone on my own. THe counseling helps and we have seen positive things come out of it but we resently hit a bump in the road and it set us back a bit. We don't fight anymore but unless it is legistics we really don't talk much either. He isn't working at the moment cause he had surgery a few weeks ago, normally he works second shift so we don't see each other (one of the biggest reason we have problems in our relationship). The other night we sat in the room and watch TV together but there was no interaction with each other and when the show ended we rolled over and went to sleep with nothing said. Neither one of us want to end up in divorce but what do you do when the distance between you starts to grow bigger?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have spoken to the counselor about it and we were making one night a week for date night. I have suggested that we start making the time for it again. We each have memberships to a gym (separte ones) and I am uncomfortable with the a trainer at his gym so he stopped going. I suggested we change our membership to the same gym (a new one all together) and start going as partners. This new gym has a raquet ball court, not that either one of us know how to play but to try anyhow even if it is to laugh at ourselves. I have tried a lot of the stuff eddie85 has suggested and I felt like I was going no where and it was just pushing him futher away so I thought I try and give him space and he would come around when he was ready. I am affraid now that it may have back fired and it was a mistake.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Just by going to a counsellor your marriage will not magically repair itself. It takes work and lots of communication.
Even with a counsellor helping there will be bumps in your relationship and it is how you with the help of your counsellor approach them is the marker as to whether your marriage is on the mend or not.
Have you discussed this concern with your counsellor? Have you discussed this with your spouse?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): you talk to each other, and to your respective counselors. Or you learn to chill out and not freak out if you know that neither of you is going anywhere.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 It sounds like you have forgotten to cherish and romance each other. It is commendable that you are taking action by seeing counselors. From the sound of it, you can save yourself a bit of time (and money) by simply reigniting your relationship on your own.
When was the last time you did something as a couple outside the house? Why not set up a date night? Go bowling. See a movie. Check out a new restaurant. See a play. You may have to take the initiative and set something up that is fun and will allow you to spend some time together. Another option, if your finances allow, is to go on vacation -- someplace you haven't been before but have always wanted to go to. Use your imagination and set something up that will happen in the next few months.
Secondly, I'd urge you to do one "extra" special thing every day out of kindness to or for your husband. Whether it is a complement, a sign of affection (even taking his hand before you went to bed last night, or stroking his arm), anything, so long as it is out of the ordinary, small, shows that you love him, and makes you get out of the rut that you are in. These small things add up hopefully he'll respond in kind once he realizes the wall is being broken between you two.
Hopefully there is an ember between the two of you that is still there and with a little work, you'll be able to find what you had when you first got married. Again, it takes effort and you may have to be the first to make a move.
Good luck.
...............................
|
