A
female
age
36-40,
*upcake
writes:What do you do if you suspect your boyfriend who you have a perfect relationship has cheated... but they swear on everything they didnt? How do you deal with this? I cant see him doing it, but I cant help but continuisly wondering 'what if' even tho he has swore he has never done such a thing. We just bought a house and car together and we get along amazing. I have been cheated on before in a previous relationship so its difficult for me. Please Help... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 If you have been cheated on before it's understandable you have a hard time with trust.
Just make sure your boyfriend knows this, it sounds to me like he is very understanding anyway.
Just make sure you don't end up pushing him away :o)
A
female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (24 September 2007):
Cupcake is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all very much for your responses... and to "hello dave" non of the signs you mentioned are there.. hes with me all the time, we are each others best friend.. he doesnt go to bars, and he comes home from work right on time. He does buy me flowers once a month, but its only because we like to celebrate our anniversary monthly. I know I have to trust him and believe him or it will ruien the relationship. He had just once lied to me about talking to his ex on the phone, and i found out the truth then he admited it. I think it would have been easier to believe him if he never lied to me. And your right, hes very money wise, he never puts money into anything he isnt 100% about, so for him to buy a house and car with me, definatly shows me his commitment. He wouldnt have ever done such a thing with any of his ex's. So I guess since there is no proof and hes telling me he didnt, the best thing to do is just let it go? Its just difficult, i tend to read into everything to much and analyze every situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Hi cupcake
Firstly my suggestion having been in a similar head space it to not over react until you have something which is more telling. People say that our gut instinct can be realied apon but I believe that, women in particular, have the ability to indetify our gut feelings as the worst possible case senarios. In other words when we get that niggle, we tend to assume the worst. I have in many case been wrong with my instinct although I always have investigated to make sure. I would suggest you firstly calm down a bit. Think about the reasons you are getting this niggle. In my experiance a "cheater" will not tell you straight up so you just need to firstly get a grip on what your reasoning is for asking the question. Follow that instinct and see what the outcome is. It feels awful to think about your partner cheating and you can sometimes say or react in a way that won't help your process in getting to the truth of why you think he is. My father used to have an expression which I shall share "softly, sofly catch a monkey" In other words calm, quiet investigation will uncover what you want to know. Good luck and only work on definative evidence.
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A
female
reader, Emmajane +, writes (23 September 2007):
 I agree with Kenny, believe him, or get out of the relationship. A long term relationship must be built on trust. If there's no trust, there's no relationship
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (23 September 2007):
 If you are continually thinking he cheated on you and are looking for reasons to say he did then this is going to send the relationship on a downhill spirral.
He swears on everything he diden't, so believe him and both get on with your lives. You say yourself you coulden't see him doing it, so the likellhood is he probably diden't. Start focusing on the positives and stop dwelling on negative thoughts, otherwise the relationship will be going downwards instead of upwards.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, hello dave +, writes (23 September 2007):
 this is why it is so important to you
you have made a lot of commitements together recently it could just be your sub-contious tsting him in a way
everytime someone gets cheated on it takes away some trust in any relationship, just make sure you have all he facts about his cheating(does he come home late, make up wierd excuses, buy gifts a lot out of the blue like flowers or jewlery, has he been seen out being close to other women???) if not this is all your past relationship talking and you have nothing to worry about!
if any of the "cheating" signs are there confront him about it!
i would personnaly give him the benefit of the doubt if he wasnt sure about you he wouldnt buy a house and car with you
good luck , take care
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