A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for someone's boyfriend to go to the gym with his coworkers who are female (like 1 guy and 3 females?) I don't feel very happy about it, mostly because he is physically attracted (in his words, if he was single, he would like to date one of the girls but I don't have to worry about it because he has no chance with her anyway) to one of them Anyway, apparently I said something to the effect of not allowing him to go spend time alone (?) or something with those girls, and it is "too" controlling of me. What do you (espeically males) consider a controlling girlfriend? Also, do guys usually hang out with groups of girls?
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2010):
You're in the right.
I refer you to his own words - "If he was single, he'd date one of the girls, but you don't have to worry because he has no chance with her anyway"
Translated from man talk into literal English, this mean "I don't stand a chance with her, so I'll settle for you".
You saying you're uncomfortable about him being with three women in a gym, one of whom he fancies, is entirely justified, and there is no control in it whatsoever. He's basically making you second best. After all, he could go to the gym with you, or alone, rather than with a woman he fancies.
I wouldn't try to make him stop again. He won't. Instead, look carefully at whether you want to be in this relationship or not. To me, it seems like you're being treated like second best.
A
male
reader, Ricemonster +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Previous male poster suggested you go with him: excellent idea! There is no reason why he wouldn't want you to go if he's sincerely just going for a workout, BUT, what if he starts feeling like you're doing 'unnecessary' things which is equivalent to showing your distrust upon him, which also means it can push him away.
Personally, I may feel a tad uncomfortable that my girl goes with a bunch of guys to a gym or have a bunch of guy friends, even close ones, but ultimately, that just shows me and her that I care about our relationship. A teeny weeny insecurity is good for each other, but overwhelming distrust isn't.
If my girl was doing that, I would never ask her to stop having guy friends or stop going to the gym with other guys. If our relationship was strong enough, I shouldn't have to worry about other people getting between us. Of course, this is just me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): In your shoes here, yeah id be a little jealous or feelin weary. Im realistic too as there is a lot of socializing at the gym and when a man is around that many women, regardless of what he says, he will still feel temptation. He may not neceassarily act on that, but the fact he presents himself with that risk could be bad.
Why dont u go to the gym with him? Compromise a little and see what he says. Often, people need a workout buddy for motivation and just general company (I, myself, stay better focused alone) however this may be your BFs case.
Best to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): Don't know entirely about this one...I mean, if my girlfriend was to start going to the gym with a bunch of guys, I prob wouldn't feel too comfortable and would prob tell her to go on her own instead of with them - if that's 'controlling' so be it, but I'd rather have peace of mind knowing she isn't with them.
Although, to be fair, you haven't told us when he goes to the gym...if he goes right after work, and they all go to the same gym, then I wouldn't necessarily see a problem with it - its more of a convenience thing if anything. But if he's making arrangements to meet them at specific times and what not for the hell of it, I would feel the same as you do.
If he goes right after work with them, I'd say relax. But if he goes on say the weekend, maybe suggest going with him? Be good for your health, and you can stop this, I guess you could call it 'problem' of sorts.
Cheers!
...............................
|
