A
female
age
36-40,
*hyla
writes:i've been in this relationship for 2 years and my boyfriend and are now common-laws we live together and we have 3 cats. he just turned 21 and i'm going on 22, he changed 3 days after his birthday it went on for 2 weeks and after that he was fine for 3 days and then back a being different he's mad all the time he throws things and yells but he's never hit me ,he's grabs me and i always wonder if he will snap and he'll hit me but he know to never hit women his dad told him if he ever did he would show him how it feels to hit someone and to never ever lay a hand to a women ever i try to talk to him and hold him he pushes me away he never want to touch me and i think something is wrong with me and i get upset, he doesn't talk he's so cold hearted when i cry he doesn't come to me and it's ok honey don't cry he walks away or says he has things to do and leaves he was never like this ever he never says he loves me ever i tell him i love him he nodded his head and sometimes says me too and it sounds like he doesn't he works i stay home and do everything cleaning keep the house clean and making his meals he comes home throws his stuff everywhere after i cleaned it all earlier i do everything in our relationship, shopping, cleaning, laundry, cooking and he never wants to help me with the house i try telling him i'm not his to be he says don't do it, (he grow up with his grandmother doing everything for him when he was younger) but i have to or it piles up and we have animals, he has secrets all the time he never tells me anything any more and i tell him everything, he's so friendly with every girl and people (he's always had a good heart and like to everyone)now he talks to me like i don't now him at all his rude calls my rude names thinks i'm out sleeping with guys when i'm home all the time waiting for him to be done work he always has girls calling him i ask him who they are and he says that i know them some i do and others i don't cause some still want to go out with him but he says his with me,the first day i met him he was a player then he changed his ways and was trusting with me and only me i ment the world to him he say he says i'm the love of his life,i keep thinking to myself he's afraid for something with us and he said he'd help me with my depression that i've have for 3 years, he made me happy all the time but now i'm confused and don't know what to do i love him more then anything i don't want to lose him what do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): If you experienced negative side effects from your depression medication, have your doctor prescribe a different medication! It is very dangerous to just stop without consulting your doctor!
As for your relationship with your boyfriend...he has changed, you can drive yourself crazy wondering why! It doesn't matter why. You say you are very unhappy. But you love him very much. Make a list of the reasons why you love him...the way he is now! Not when you first met! He is not that person anymore. He is abusing you emotionally by calling you names and treating you the way he does when you are upset.
You are in a very dangerous situation. The combination of his treatment of you and the fact that you have stopped your meds, can be deadly!
A
female
reader, SweetSerendipity  +, writes (29 March 2009):
He can only get back to "normal" when and if he wants to. This would require a "self - reflect" into his inner being. If the motivation does not come from himself, then what we do or say may not matter to him. Because he would probably say "But honey, I have not changed at all", or worse "I have changed as time progresses and I get older, but you have not" (or "you have changed too, but in a different direction than mine")
If you have a good friend to stay for a couple of weeks, or even a month, then maybe you should do that. Do not come back to your home (with him) even when he begs you to do so. You will see that you will survive just fine. Try to find work, anything, that you get so that at least you can afford to feed yourself and help costs for the friend that you are staying with (so they would not feel that you are a free loader).
The objective of you staying away for a few weeks (to two months) is to learn to be on your own feet again, and be less dependent on him. If you let him drag you down like this, - forgive me - but you will end up being his door mat.
I am still not answering your question on why he changed, because there are so many factors that may have a role into his changed behaviour. Only qualified and professional people can help you with that. And this forum is not the appropriate one for that.
Good luck and be strong. Take that step toward independence and self confidence again!p /
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A
female
reader, shyla +, writes (29 March 2009):
shyla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u for talking with me no one understands me with this is it ok if u keep talking with me more if he gets back to normal or not i don't talk to much with people i keep to myself for things if its ok with u can u email me
thanks shyla
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A
female
reader, shyla +, writes (29 March 2009):
shyla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey it's me again shyla yes i was on meds for my depression but the have side affects so he said he'd support me at it with out meds and we live together and do everthing together if i leave i have no where to got and i can't afford a place of my own, why do you think he changed with us and is differnt with everything? i don't know much before him i had a guy who cheated on me and mess with my head and recked my life up for 4years and broke me in half and the guy i'm with now is there but acts scared all the time and doesn't want to baby me and treat me like a child,anyway what do i do to have him love me and not push way i want him with me and around he really is a nice guy and have a heart for things and people,but why did he change?
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A
female
reader, SweetSerendipity +, writes (29 March 2009):
How does he make you happy? If he makes you happy, should he also be there for you to make you feel better, instead of walking away from you?
It's been three years since you have this depression. Are you still on medication or counselling at the moment? If you are not on either, can you afford to get help from a local clinic or a local support group for depression sufferers?
I don't know what stage [emotionally] you are now, but your posting does sound like a cry for help. So my suggestion is first, get an update on your depression condition. Secondly, think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life being miserable with your current boyfriend, when there are lots of nice men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you.
Good luck!
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