A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I after a while broke up. I was great to her, we had a very great relationship and we never fought and we always had a ton of fun while hanging out. We broke up and decided to take a week space from each other to help figure things out. We then decided to i guess mutually take the final break up, i still want to be with her but thats just me. That week we were supposed to be on a break we still hung out every day, we started to try and act like friends we cut out the cuddling, kissing, spending the night stuff like that. We still had sex, but the majority of our things we cut out. I am sad but at the same time i am relieved, we both mutually want to stay friends for the time being. We still want to hang out because we really do have alot of fun. We didn't get to know each other well enough and rushed into dating within a couple of weeks of knowing each other and i feel like that could have been one of the biggest reasons. I now understand that friendship is most important because it builds a solid foundation for a successful relationship. I still do love her and have a place in my heart for her, im thinking if it was meant to be then this break up was meant to happen. We were talking about moving out with each other and we first said i love you within a few days before we broke up. I do know what is best for me i am still young, she is still young and we both have quite a bit of figuring out to do. I can't tell the future because just a few days before we ended it we seemed great so obviously things do happen. I don't know what the chances are but if we are still friends and do build a better more solid foundation i do hope that we can try it again, as i said before we had a great relationship with each other. I don't know if i am asking for advice i think i am more sharing my experience with every one. Things do happen for a reason, there is a reason why we had to break up even though our relationship was great,if we were meant to be maybe this is exactly what the both of us needed. There are some things i need to work on and some things she needed to work on also and im starting to believe that this was the start to make us both better. So as for the situation i am in, anyone who comes across this just remember things happen for a reason, things fall out of place so better things can fall into place. What is your take on this?
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a break, broke up, I love you, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sad too but at the same time I am relieved. Right now I am at a war with my heart and my head. My heart says I want her back, we love each other, we were meant to be. However my head says well you guys get along just great as friends and you both want different things in the future, I do want kids and be married within 5 or 6 more years (I am 22) and she doesn't want to get married until she is pretty much 50 and doesn't want kids. So for our futures sake it is best we split up and remain good friends and that I know is whats best for the both of us, but obviously my heart still wants her. She gave me her input and we both just want different things out of life and out of the future. However it seems like for the both of us we are happy with the mutual decision its just gonna take time for us to get over it and start fresh with a friendship. Thank you once again for the advice!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): ok I am both pleased and sad - sad it didn't work out, but pleased you don't end up 10 years later hating each other.
you will be great friends. Be patient. If this is mant to be there is no rush.
The only practical advice I can give is his here, in this post:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-will-i-do-without-her-in-my.html
good luck and move on - it will be tough, but do it for her.
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to provide everyone an update about my experience. Time went by we both took sometime apart and talked about all the things that happened (apparently there was some anger issues over what I did). We then took a little bit more time and mutually decided to give it another chance with everything that blew over. Honestly it was going okay, a little bit different feeling considering we at one point almost didn't get back together. Now we made it about 3 weeks and are broken up again. However this time it was much different, we both noticed over the few weeks we've slowly drifted into a friendship. The intimacy, cuddling, kissing, holding hands etc... all slowly came to a stop. We still had a great time hanging out together we have so much fun and good times, I will be honest its like we are the same person. After that being said the real answers came out and I was then seen as just a friend, it hurt and it still hurts right now but I know what is truly best for the both of us. We did hang out for 2 more days after that and did A LOT of talking and came to a mutual decision that we are simply just better off being friends. We are now on a few week break, still talking and obviously this is tough for the both of us, I strongly feel this is right but of course I still miss her and want to be with her. It was best it happened now rather than dragging the relationship on longer and making it much worse. In a couple weeks when we decide to see each other should I bring up getting back together or just simply tell her how I feel? She has told me she does love me but she isn't sure she can see herself being with me in the future, she is a couple years younger than I am and I am at the point where I do want to find someone to settle down with, I am content with my life in all aspects however I know she isn't. We both have faith we can get through this and become friends, I know its about taking one day at a time and taking it slow which is what we are doing. Sorry this is a long one, but thank you for the advice, and if you have any advice feel free.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): It's funny that Otherstarfish mentioned icecream. Relationships are kind of like icecream. You enjoy it so much while you are eating it...but when it is gone, your disappointed...you want more! But!! There's always next time! Maybe you will discover an even better flavor!
I have always heard that when one door closes, another opens. I have learned from my own experience that this is true. However, I have also learned that I need to proceed with caution entering!
Good Luck! I certainly hope you find the right door!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): I think its a good post. Its showing a different side to the break-ups that you normally see here.
i think you need both need to start closing off the sex thing. It will get in the way... seeing her just for sex or etc. will possibly get in the way of being great friends.
you shared something good and now you are going to find something wonderful. Separately, but knowing that there is someone behind you who always help you along.
Do things fall out so something better takes its place? Well that's up to you... for some people yes, others no...
Its down to you guys.
(so many people, so many circumstances and strangely just the laws of Chaos, Fate and Ice cream to guide us)
Star.x.
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