A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im a young mum, very young mum. i had my baby 3yrs ago, but when i first told the father i was pregnant he just left me on my own, saying its my problem - not his! i think that was really rude of him to leave his unborn-child like that! but the problem is, im dreading the day my son will start to ask questions about him, because i dont know what i would tell him!anyone got any ideas? should i tell my son, your father didnt want to know you... or your father couldnt handel a family as we were so young ... or what?i really need help because he getting to that age pretty soon!thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, x-kay_kay-x  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 tell him the truth he needs to no tht other wise your goin to be classed as a lier if you dnt tell him the truth and he dnt no the truth he might go lookin for him do the right thing
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is what happenned to my bf's mom when she was 15. The guy wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. I think you should just tell him the father wasn't responsible at that point in his life. My bf is 30 now and he's got a wonderful relationship with his mother. They are so close. I think as he got older, he pretty much figured it out and stopped asking. He doesn't even care to know the name of the guy.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (30 July 2007):
I think telling him that his father was just to young to handle the situation is fine. Because its the truth. I think you are stong and brilliant, and i am sure that when the time comes to it you will find a way around it. Im sure theres nothing you cant do.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Whatever you do, don't tell your son his father didn't want him. Words like that stick in a child's mind and can do years of damage to their self esteem. Simply tell him that you were both very young, and his father was not ready for the responsibility of fatherhood yet, and you can also use it as a tool to talk to your child about unprotected sex in hopes that he won't make the same mistake someday.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): If you say he did not want to know him your son will think it is his fault - that he was not worth it! Don't do that. The truth is that his father could not handle the responsibility. It has nothing personally to do with your son at all whatsoever. Some people just are not up to it, get scared and run away. Sometimes people do not feel strong emotions like love, if ever, or maybe when their first reaction to a situation is to run. Perhaps it could take years for his reaction to catch up with his reality. Maybe he will be on his death bed- who knows. On the other hand he may come into your son's life at some stage and if he wants to say sorry and make up for things a little you should be positive about it. This is not for your ex, but for your son. I would be very angry like you probably are, but watch out for that little temptation called revenge, which you could use to make yourself feel better - but it would not help your son. In fact it could provide a very big burden to carry around for his life. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for the advise, im very grateful!
you have helped to put my mind at rest!
xx
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (30 July 2007):
Everyone is right, the truth is the only option – but without rubbishing his dad. I would wait until he asks the questions, and just answer them as they come. Don’t offer more information than he asks for. He will ask when he is ready.
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A
female
reader, Friend1991 +, writes (30 July 2007):
well it sounds as though this man is not emotionally ready to be a father and has left you with your child but all kids deerve to have 2 parents unless there are reasons beyond a persons control. I suggest you tell your son the truth
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I would stick with being honest and tell you child that his father did not want to know, because he was not ready to become a father at that point in his life. Im sure when he gets older he is going to be curious and ask questions anyway, so set him straight and tell him how it is. Its not your fault how things have turned out, just do your best and try to be the best Mum you can to your child.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Be honest and tell him that his father wasn't ready to be a Dad. Tell him that sometimes people can become fathers but can't become Dads. Make sure him understands that you love him and wanted to be his mother AND his Mum. He will be just fine. Do you have any contact with his father at all? Do you get any child support?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I would go for the latter.
Because basically thats true isnt it?
You dont want to rubbish his dad to him, they might well hook up in the future.
I would go for the simple, your dad was young & couldnt cope with it.
Good luck.
Its a tricky one & good that you're thinking about it before it arises.
C xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Hi, it is unfortunate that you are the one left with answering the questions. Firstly i would like to wish you good luck on being a mum at such a young age,I suggest that you tell your child the truth about his father because at some point the truth would find a way of coming out. Reassure the child that you loved him and still do.It would be best to do the explaining a little later when the child is old emough to understand everything. Just be honest and everything would work out for the best.The fact that the child's father chose not to be a part of your'lls lives is not your fault and you dont have to take the blame or responsibilty.
Good Luck, Mail me if you wanna talk.
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