A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to make this short. I'm a teenager and I have stupid teenage love problems, but I'd really like some help. There's this girl I was in love with for a few years, Lily, she was my first everything first girlfriend, first kiss, lost my virginity to her. Yeah all that good stuff. But we were constantly arguing, and we were both really jealous. So we broke up and a lot of stuff happened. We both have some mental problems I have extreme ocd, and she's bipolar and it was hard to work around. Then I dated other people and it didn't feel the same, and I ended up cheating on every girl after with Lily. Then I met Nina and I got the same "fuzzy feeling" with her, and I started to forget about Lily. Now once again I cheated, and I don't know what to do. Nina says she'll still be with me, but I still have feelings for Lily. So what the hell do I do? I think it would be better to be with Nina, but I don't know if I can ever get over Lily. Sorry for the length. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): honestly i understand where your coming from i've had the same issues with guys, mine was josh or adam, josh was my first everything too, cheated on me and i did to him, and i still loved him very much, i let him go it was sooo hard it took me forever eventhough i had adam, if nina is perfect for you be with her and let lilly go. if nina really cares about you and loves you, she'll be able to trust you over time (as long as you dont do something else to lose it) it will probably be massively hard to forget about lilly, but you'll end up happy
A
female
reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (30 December 2009):
If you're thinking about Lily whenever you're with Nina, then it's not fair to Nina and to yourself. Once and for all, you and Lily should try to give it another chance. If it doesn't work out this very last time, then seriously move on with Nina or whomever you want to date. Don't date Nina right now because she's available and is willing to forgive you, that doesn't do the hearts any good. If you and Lily can work it out this time (maybe you two just need to have a heart-to-heart conversation about your situation), then good but if not, then understand that you two have given it your BEST and it's time to seriously move on. It doesn't seem like your heart will rest unless it is burnt out with your relationship with Lily. You know exactly what you want/need to do, so follow your heart not your head. The other option is to totally disconnect yourself from both for a long while so that you can recollect your thoughts and maybe "out of sight, out of mind." Good Luck! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Wow. That's a big mess. My advice is that you will never be happy until you learn how to be intimate with someone without cheating. You probably want to take Nina back, but don't do it if you are just going to be a dick again. Let's be honest. At this point, she is offering you forgiveness you do not deserve and that is not even morally laudable. If I were giving HER advice, I'd tell her not to give you a second chance. But from just the information I've been given, you would be a fool not to take her second chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks to both of you who answered :D
I guess I should make the situation a little more clear though. Lily has cheated on me before, and we've been together and broken up so many times I can't count. We've hurt each other a lot, but I still love her. As for Nina, she's like the perfect girl for me, but now I cheated on I don't think she'll ever trust me again. It sucks because Nina was making me start to forget about Lily. Nina still wants to be with me, but I don't know who I want to be with. I feel like I love them both, but I care more about Lily if that makes any sense.
Ok, maybe I love Lily more, but I know it doesn't work with her. We've tried multiple. Should I just try to move on? I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt either of them. Should I even be with either of them since I can't get over the other person.
Thanks again for the help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Aww. Go get Lily back, you dummy. Arguing isn't so bad :P Go tell her you love her :)
Anyway, what I would do aside...
Stop being promiscuous. It's tacky and empty, and you have probably hurt every single one of those girls you cheated with. Come on now, that's just selfish.
If you are going to "just date", then don't have sex with the women you date, even if they are willing. It's not right to assist people in doing something that's not good to themselves as much as it's not good to do something bad to them.
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female
reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (30 December 2009):
If Lily is still around and it's possible for you to ask her to give your relationship another chance, then go for it. If you can't have another chance with Lily, then take some time off from dating and enjoy your single life until you meet someone special. If you want to give Nina a chance, it's not a bad idea because you'll never know how you'll feel unless you give it a try. Don't get into serious relationships if you have a tendency to be unfaithful, go on dates instead of having a serious g/f so that if you change your mind about your relationship it wouldn't be hurtful to you and especially the girl because you're just dating and exploring. If you and Lily are meant to be, time will do the telling, but right now focus on your life and get help with your extreme ocd, if you haven't already, because it might be interfering with your life as you've already realized. Good Luck! :-)
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