A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my fiance for almost 3 years ( since 17) and for the first almost 2 years it was a long distance relationship. We got engaged while still living in different states and planned on one of us moving. Due to some family problems i was the one to move with him. Ive been living with him and his family for 7 months now. The problem i face is that i no longer feel much for him. He constantly irritates me. There is no sex life worth fighting for.Im not attracted to him anymore either. Im in a new place and he is my sole dependent so i have to keep nice with him. He has giving me all the love i could have ever asked for and accepted me but yet i cant seem to feel connected to him anymore. Did the move together ruin us? Lack of privacy? Our life is so routine that i thought it wouldnt be like this till many years down the road after marriage. What do i do to save our relationship?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Don't rush into anything! You're young and LDR are not all they're made up to be. I had one for 2 years, she moved in with me, and it's hell now. There's no communication from her, she performs sex with me because I feel she feels she has to. It's sad because I do love her. She has no friends here, (150 miles from her home that she moved from), and she either don't want to make a change and doesn't want to go out and make friends like I have told her to do. She is friends with one girl, but doesn't want to hang out with her that much, so I told her to hang out with and meet new friends through her. She refuses, she drinks beer all day and watches TV shows that are outdated by 40 years while doing housework, couped up in a house that's making herself miserable.Don't worry about saving your relationship if you can't communicate with him, it's only gonna get worse. Worry about making yourself happy first. If you can't be happy before you say I DO then you're gonna end up regretting it... and so will he. YOU'RE YOUNG... MOVE ON IF YOU CAN'T FIND HAPPINESS.
A
male
reader, RL8 +, writes (18 March 2009):
 To be honest ya maybe some will say you may have moved too fast but that is for you guys to deside,the thing is is that when you are in a long distance relationship there is always that longing for the other person and you constantly try to keep up that passion by always sharing every detail...now the reason why i think you are feeling this way is because you probably dreamed of you guys being in a place where you both are happy and your in a cute apartment and both doing what you need to do for work..but instead you moved to a place where you probably dont know anyone but him and you move in with his parents..so now no matter what there is no way for you too be happy cuz the situation is not what you want..and of course he is going to be happy cuz he is kinda getting everything he wants..key thing find a way to comprimise..or you just have to leave and start a new life back home...god bless
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 I guess the problem is that you got engaged too young, and you thought you were in love and would be happy forever but the reality was that you never spent much time together seen as it was a long distance relationship, so when you moved closer together you have now realised that the love that was once there has now faded.
This is quite common in a long distance relationship - when you go from not seeing that person very often to seeing them all the time you end up losing the excitement you used to feel when you knew they were coming to see you, and all you are left with in your new life is boring routine.
You have just grown apart, getting engaged so young is a foolish thing to do because between the ages of 16 and 22, you change so much as a person. It is hard to grow together, and almost impossible when you are having a long distance relationship.
I think you now can see that he is not the right guy for you - if you dont feel anything for him anymore then you cannot force the feelings to come back. If he is treating you right yet you still dont feel anything, then I guess there is not a lot either of you can do.
There is no shame in saying that this relationship just isnt working anymore and leaving - it is better to end things now then after you are married and having to go through a messy divorce. I understand if you do want to try and make this work, but at your age it shouldnt be this hard. You cannot force your feelings; you cannot bring back what you used to feel purely by willing it to come back.
If you really want to save this then talk to your boyfriend and explain how you are feeling. Maybe try spending some nights apart from each other. If you dont have many friends yet in your new city/town then get out there and make friends - volunteer in local projects/charity shops, start doing more sporting activities, join local book clubs or political parties. There are loads of ways you can build your own life, then you wont feel so dependent on your boyfriend. Once you see a little less of your boyfriend, your feelings may eventually come back.
But dont be afraid to leave if it isnt working - there are a huge number of options open to you. I.e. you could move back home and find a job there, you could move to a new city and start fresh, you could stay in the same place you are now but find yourself a flat/houseshare. Dont feel trapped just because you have moved in with him as there are so many ways you can manage on your own.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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