A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Most women who develop crushes while their husbands are deployed develop the crushes because they are longing for someone to be intimate with or get attention from (or they just want to have sex xp). That isn't the case for me. I have developed a crush on my husband's friend who is deployed with him. They left together, they are in the same small group, and they will be coming back together. I can't stop thinking of this guy and I don't know how to stop.My husband is really a great guy, and we have been told what a wonderful couple we are, but just because we get along doesn't mean we are IN love. My husband has complained about my personality constantly before he left, he even explained longingly how perfect one of his exes was because she was him but in female form. Then he added her to facebook and who knows what is going on there now. However, I swear I am not trying to make my husband jealous or get back at him in any way for this crush.We are actually stronger as a couple when we are separated. I am just thinking, should two people stay together simply out of habit or because it is comfortable? I don't know, I just have this feeling that I am going to die if I don't ever get to find out if his friend and I could ever be something more. I want my husband and I to both be happy. I don't think telling him while he is deployed is the right answer, but maybe one day. What should I do? I am afraid that if I don't explain my curiosity of his friend to his friend soon I will never see him again, and it really really hurts me to think that.
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female
reader, based51  +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Well, first things first, why did you get married in the first place if you were not in love and didn't imagine yourself with this man until the day you die?Putting that aside, you really probably can never have anything more than friendship with his friend and have either of you stay on good terms with your husband. Of course this just depends on how you and your husband really feel about each other. The way you tell it there are minimal feelings there, which would give you a stronger chance of being able to leave him and then start a relationship with his friend. But really, if you suspect your husband really does love you or cares deeply for you, you should not go near his friend. I feel that you do not love your husband and would therefore have no idea how painful such a thing would be. But if he does love you, having a relationship with his friend even legitimately after a total separation is just plain cruel and would wound him deeply for a long time to come.I think you really have to reassess WHY you married this man in the first place. I'm not going to tell you whether you should stay or go, because I don't want to influence you that way. That decision is entirely yours.
A
female
reader, Glitters143 +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Does your husband have any idea?? Does the friend have any idea? This is very hard because you are married to this man. But if you are no longer in love with your husband and you have feeling about being with someone Else maybe you should be with your husband amymore? if you end up with the friend or not somewhere down the line you may start to have crushes on other people because you Are seeking to be with someone who can make you happy and whom you can be I love with. If your husband is saying mean things to you and befriending exs that's not fair And you need to figure out what you need to do for yourself to make you happy. I think you and your husband need toSit down and figure out if you want to stay together and work it out or move on. When he gets back have a talk and if the conversation leads to the opportunity to tell him about your feelings for the friend do so
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