A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so here goes...From the ages of 15 (lost my virginity) to 21 I've always had oral sex given to me with out asking (im now 23)...(by boyfriends not randoms)My current boyfriend of two years this september has only gone down on me a hand full of times. he told me a couple of months ago he had a bad experience....so he went down on me when he was ready and I was okay with that...Fast forward to now and I've given him blow jobs for months, I've shaved down stairs in the hope he'd go down on me, and now I have waxed, he goes down on me twice this week (once just randomly, then second time was reverse 69, him on top) then tonight we talk and I told him I like going down on him and that we should do what we did the second time as I really enjoyed it) then I mention "with tongue" and he says "no" so i get mad about it and he says he doesn't like doing it....if he didn't then why did he do the reverse 69 the other night which was his idea!!!!??? he said "lets try something new)My boyfriend is 22 in three weeks, I am 23 next week. I'm his longest relationship as he's only ever dated girls for 3 - 6 months...Am I over reacting? my friends think he's a selfish lover cause of this...but I believe that oral has to be given and then returned...I even did "play biting" while going down on him the other night (his wanting)of course im open to try new things, i just don't know what to do about this ONE thing!Open to all advice!!
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 If he isn't willing to give then he shouldn't be ready and waiting to receive it either. Going forward, if there is anything you just do not want to do, I would tell him just as he has told you and you'd see how "ok" he'd be with that. If you don't feel like giving any bj's then simply stop giving them as I don't see why you should go out of your comfort zone when he isn't willing to do the same.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2016): My wife comes from a culture that the only women that gives head are prostitutes and men in her culture never go down on a women. I met her when she was 25 and she had never experienced any type of oral sex and this is in 2004.
When we first had sex I gave her a great oral experience and she returned the favour for the first time in her life. I didn't know it at the time and only discovered it later when we had a conversation about it. I was honest with her and said that if a women did not give oral it would have been difficult for me to be in a long term relationship with her.
She loves oral now, giving and receiving. It must have been surprising for her at the age of 25 when I started to go down on her. Special moment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2016): I plan on not giving him blow jobs anymore...
I'm just hurt and frustrated that I went and got down there waxed for no reason now and as I've had boyfriends in the past go down on me no problem..
Does anyone have any suggestions on what else my partner and I could do?
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 April 2016):
 Stop giving him head.
And just do other stuff. You will be fine
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2016): I guess im just shocked as ive never had a man say they don't like doing it...but i've always dated older men. I'll just find other stuff he can do.
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A
female
reader, EFM94  +, writes (29 April 2016):
 I agree with you that it should be equal. If I were to always go down on my partner and he never went down on me I'd be frustrated too. Sometimes if sexual needs aren't met it can put pressure on you're relationship because you can become frustrated. However we both love those things so it isn't a problem for us.
It sounds to me though like he simply doesn't like doing it. And you can't really do anything about that I'm afraid. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do or get mad at them for not doing it. If he isn't fulfilling your sexual needs then maybe you need to try other alternatives. If then he doesn't please you then you should maybe look into finding another secual partner who you feel can please you in the ways you like most.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 April 2016):
 Him saying that he had a bad experience was probably his way off trying to tell you he did not like doing oral. Just because you have given him blow jobs for months does not mean he has to return the favor, nobody forced you to do it and well if you are not comfortable to do so then you shouldn't. He wanted to try something new, maybe he thought doing a 69nr would be better for him, he tried something new he did not like it so he does not want to do it again, surely you don't want him to do something he does not like doing? If it was the other way around and you didn't like doing something and he got mad would you find that okay? You should not get mad at a partner because he won't perform a sexual act, that is selfish on your part. Oral does not have to be given and returned, as long as people are comfortable that should be all that matters. If you don't feel comfortable doing something that he wants to do well then you have the right to say no as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 April 2016):
 He doesn't like giving head, but he doesn't want to offend. Some people are just not that into oral.
Let's say for a minute that YOU didn't like to do something sexual. Like... I don't know? Random example.. sticking your finger in his bum while giving him oral. You have done it a few times to make him happy but it's just NOT a turn on for you and honestly, you rather not do it. So you start to avoid doing it. He doesn't dump you over it, as there are PLENTY of other ways to please each other... But them one day he asks you to do it and you just had your nails done... you don't WANT to stick you pretty shiny new tips up his bum. SO.. you say no, I don't really like doing it.
IT SHOULD be OK in a relationship to say no. It SHOULD be OK to NOT like certain sexual acts. ONE thing is trying a new thing, see if you (general you) like it, but the EXPECTATION that you HAVE to do certain things to make your partner happy.. I don't think is fair.
IF you like giving him oral, then do so. If there are other things you don't like, then don't do them. SHOULD go both ways.
If he is NOT into oral on a woman then maybe he needs to learn how to use his fingers externally.
Sex is NOT tit for tat. He doesn't OWE you oral. You don't owe to do "play biting" (if you don't like it). YES, should should be enjoyable for BOTH of you. But I'd be surprised if there are not something else you really like.
However, IF this is that important to you, consider that maybe he isn't a good match sexually and that might mean long term you two may not be compatible.
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