A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23, my girlfriend's 22. We've been together for just over 4 months now, and everything's great.There's no major problems in our relationship, it's her family that's the issue.Whenever I go over to her house (which is semi-regularly), her dad always tries flirting with me. He does it by asking me to speak to him, ostensibly about something that he thinks I'd be interested in, and then does something shocking.He's done it twice. The first time was during my girlfriend's 22nd birthday party last year - he asked me to leave the party, and to come to his room to discuss something, then he stripped to his underwear and writhed around on his bed saying "Come on, you're so fit!!! I want to go to bed with you!"I told him no, but he said "Playing hard to get eh? Well, I will get you one day!" then got dressed and acted like nothing had happened.My girlfriend was in the bathroom at the time when that happened.I didn't mention it to her, because I feared she'd never believe me.The second time was a few weeks ago (well, 3 weeks actually!), when I came round to help my girlfriend's mum with the computer (she's a beginner at it!), her dad asked me to come and speak to him, and said he wanted to have a word with me. I complied, but was wary of it, knowing what he'd done last time. He then went upstairs to his bedroom, ate two Mars bars, and then pushed me against the wall, and kissed me, and said how sexy I was and that I was the only man for him - and the only man he ever fancied. He said to me "Ditch my dull daughter and go out with me instead, you won't regret it!"I want to tell my girlfriend about it, but I can't, as she idolises her dad, and I fear she'd never believe me.How can I cope with this situation? It feels weird and sick just thinking about the whole thing.The only time I ever feel happy is either when I'm alone or at work - when I'm with my girlfriend I put on a false front of being happy because of the way her dad behaved towards me.At the same time I don't want to break up with her as I love her, and she's a lovely girl.What can I do?Please help me, Craig (23) from South Yorkshire, United Kingdom
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): What a pervert. Your feelings/memories are normal. ANYONE in your situation would've been traumatized by it. People react differently too: some guys would kick him in the balls, or threaten him if he tries it again, you will tell his wife.
You have to realize the only way to get your power back is to expose him to his family.
If I was in your position, I would tell your girlfriend. Just start out, "We need to talk about something. You won't like what I'm about to say, but....."
She really needs to know. You're a grown man and you can do this. take care
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): The way he behaved clearly indicated he fancied me.
As far as I'm aware, my girlfriend's mother has no idea of this; but I still feel pretty disgusted by it and memories of it often come back to me.
Craig (23) from South Yorkshire, United Kingdom
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A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (21 February 2009):
 Hi there, Well, your girlfriend's dad has a problem, which I am sure did not just start. I would if I were you, tell someone in your family who you trust, what happened on both occasions, just so someone else is aware on your side. I would not tell your girlfriend, it's a family problem, the mom and daughter will be in denial, tho I think the mother knows something, but does not want to deal with it, the daughter probably has no clue. If I were you. and you want to continue your relatinship with your girlfriend, I would
go to her house less than you have been, and I would never, ever go into any room with her father again, make an excuse, your legs hurt, I don't care. I say that because this man is getting more offensive each time, he may claim, if you keep resisting that you are the aggressor. He is mentally unstable, and you need to not be alone with him.
Also, you should be aware, that in my opinion, as you resist him, he is going to want to break you and his daughter up, so get ready for that crap. If that happens, remember, he is always going to be her father, and families try to protect each other. You will be treated as the outsider trying to mess up the family, when it is not that way at all. In the long run, if you break up with her, it may be better, as he is going to be either a spurned wannnabe lover, or a continuing aggressive suitor, both of which are untenable. Explaining all of this to your girfriend, your call. But try, not only try, just stay out of his room, and any other place where he wants to corner you. This is sexual abuse in its purest form, don't be a party to his advances, you know what he is trying to do, nip it in the bud, now. Don't threaten to tell his wie or daughter, just tell him, "you have absolutely no interest in anything he has to offer, you like women," and let that be it. Stay in touch and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): Wow that's a real shocker...
If the dad is being dead serious and really does fancy you etc., its a bit worse than if he was just taking the mickey out of you and being provocative... but they're both pretty bad!
Maybe you can speak to him first. Tell him YOU need to have a chat with HIM. Be an adult about it and ask him honestly what is going on. Tell him how you feel about his daughter, that you aren't gay, that you plan to carry on seeing her, and that you don't want things to get out of hand. Just be very clear and calm and state the facts. Let him know you aren't happy with his little performances.
If he is responsive and backs off, then great. If not, you should tell him there and then that you will be letting both his daughter and his wife know how uncomfortable he has made you (and essentially you were sexually assaulted) and that you won't be able to come over to their place unless it stops.
Hopefully the thought of being called out will put a stop to it, or he will realise that you are no pushover and are not interested.
This man sounds nuts and you need to do something quickly!
Good luck!
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