A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok i have been having problems with my mom lately and this is the full story......... my dad and her split up about 8 years ago because she had invited 3 men home when he had gone to play for a christmas party (he is a musician) and she told me to lie about it. my dad found out about it because he knew i lied and they fought and the police got involved. i was asked to choose who to stay with and i choose my dad and my 2 brothers went with my mum.4 years later she tries to kidnap me from school and i again refused to go and she went back to her homecity. after 2 years my dad managed to get the number of the people she left my brothers with to go to america with her boyfriend and finally managed to convince her to let them come for a vacation. after they arrived she decided to leave them with us and continue her life in america. finally because of my brothers i start talking to her and she starts sending me stuff from america which i accept (i was 13 so naturally i would).now years later i have come to her homecity because i want to study here and not where my dad wants to put me for college and she makes me stay with my aunt (her brother's ex-wife) who she is good friends with. but the problem is she wants me to come there and do college there because i missed the entrance exams and have to wait a year. i tell her no and she starts insulting me and says i will fail in life if i dont come there. i fight back and she stops talking to me. after a great deal of talking to her a few days later (because i tried really hard to make her understand and because u had to beg her) she says ok but still wants me to go there and stay with her new husband (an arab who controls her).now she wants me to make a passport to go there and we have been busy (my aunt with her work because she comes back late at night and leaves in the morning and is naturally tired). again i try to tell her why we are delaying and again she starts saying that nobody is thinking about her and that how everyone is selfishi manage to get her on facebook chat the same day and ask her why she is not understanding anything and again she starts insulting me. after a little while she pissed me off so i told her that i will never talk to her again and that she should think of me as dead just like my older sister (birth complications) and that she can replace me with any of my brothers as they are clearly her favorites. she just logs off(again) and then i deleted her and her husband from my friends list.not i need some advice on what to do. i am tired of being the one who wants to fix the relationship and i am tired of her attitude. i am tired of the way she ruins my happiness and the way she makes my aunt and dad feel. what do i do?
View related questions:
christmas, ex-wife, facebook, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes that explains her attitude to me. i am going to cut her off now and hope for the best. and yes there are other schools i can attend but i really like the ones here.
thanks for your advice :) it really helped
A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 It sounds like this relationship turned toxic years ago. I’m baffled any mother would say such things to her child; but unless I’m totally off my mark, it sounds like she disassociated you from being ‘hers’ years ago. She may feel some type of possessiveness toward you, but it does not sound like she thinks of herself as your ‘mother’ on an emotional level. Possibly this is due to you choosing to live with your father over her, I don’t know, although it would explain why she favours your two brothers.In any case, you’ve tried your best and now it’s time to let it go. The damage is on her end, not yours. It sounds like you’ve managed to grow into an accomplished young man with a bright future ahead of him. You did that without her all these years, so why allow her to continue her corrosive effect on your life now?Are there truly no other schools that you can attend? As I see it, the further you are from these people the better. Attending college is about starting a new life on your own as an adult, taking the first steps outside of your home toward independence. You will never have the peace to do that if you continue to live within her circle of influence. Keeping you under the thumb of her sister is just another method of doing that.Rent a flat, get some housemates, borrow from the bank to live in a dorm, find a part time job, do whatever you have to in order to remain independent and sane. You don’t owe her your future. If she wants to get in touch and have a healthy relationship one day, you’ve made it clear that you would be amiable. However, unless you make the changes necessary to distant yourself from this unhealthy relationship she is forcing on you, then you will be trapped as the controlled one in the relationship, just like she is with her husband.I hope this helps.
...............................
|
