A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 4 months. We're both of the age of 18, things picked up fairly quickly, and we are soon to get engaged.We have both opened each other's eyes to new meanings in life. We're in such love that it's hard to explain, but.. there is a problem, she has many guy friends and i have met 4 of them so far. Friend #1 is a very close friend, one who she had or has feelings for, who she made out with a while ago, also who she tried to get with but didn't work out. They are touchy friends, and 1 month into the relationship she is feeling his behind and feeling his abdomen and back right in front of me. This friend, by the way, seems to not like it when she gets new bf's, as she doesn't like it when he gets new gf's. Worst part of it all is that I treated the guy with great respect, invited him over to a relative's party to make my gf feel more at home, turns out he was talking about me behind my back. He takes her to the side of the house one day and puts his arm around her, and lays on top of her in her bedroom in a hugging manner when i am not around.Friend #2 is a friend of friend #1. He's a friend that hasn't been seen in years from elementry school. He visits one night with friend #1, and that same night, he calls her up after they both leave and invites her to the movies, and tells her not to bring her boyfriend (me) along, and says how he would do something to her..i don't know..maybe kiss her.This was something my gf was afraid to tell me, so it took a while to get a name. She also tells me how she wanted to accept this invitation to see if she could fight a possible kiss, to prove to herself that she isn't her old self. Friend #3 puts his arm around her and admits "that is disrespectful, no biggie, atleast he admit it.Friend #4 is an ex bf who gets drunk one day he comes over and threatens me.Now, the question lies here, should she be hanging out with her guy friends? I mean the first 4 "guy" friends she's introduced me to have disrespected me. We have currently been argueing about the topic alot. A note to all readers: I don't have or hang out with any female friends at all, and i choose not to. I am not looking for the next best thing, I am very happy with my gf. She is more than I need, and if letting her hang out with her guys friend will make her happy, than it will be something very hard for me to accept as she has a flirtatious way of talking to guys. Another thing, she is my first gf, and i don't want to looking for anymore fish, I'm settled and i've been waiting a very long time for the right person to come along my way. She accepts me for who i am and what i'm into and that is something that most other people wouldn't accept. So what should I do?? Letting her go is not an option, we have grown so close together, and i know that we can both come to an understanding. I don't let her go out by herself, i'm always by her because i feel a bit afraid of who she will talk to. But more than anything, i'm with her because she means the world to me. I wouldn't trade her for anything in this world. She treats me like I am supposed to be treated despite the conflicts with the guys. It just feels so right to be with her.. What should I do?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Hmmm you are so in love and bit confused here, your apparently 36 - 40 on your profile bit but you say both you and your gf are 18, which is it?
Sounds to me to be the latter.
I think you are rushing into getting engaged in order to make sure your gf has a ring on her finger to ward off all these male friends of hers and to let them know she is your property.
I think Friend 1 still very much has the hots for her and she the same with him, things haven't worked out in the past between them but there are still a lot of sparks and she is hardly being very respectful towards you as her prospective fiance.
Friend 2 is as bad as friend 1 and the fact that he is saying things like doing something to her, kissing or more is just bang out of order and how come you know about this. She is obviously telling you and why is that, is it to keep you interested and make you jealous.
Trying to see if she can resist temptation is playing with fire and shows a huge immaturity in your gf as she is still very unsure of her strength of feelings for you and your relationship.
Friend 3 is still close and even though he may admit it's wrong I wouldn't trust him either.
Friend 4 is someone definitely to watch as he is threatening you, why he is an ex so what is his problem unless he is being stirred up by her or his friends to react about you now being the new guy.
I am afraid to say that your gf no matter how much you don't want to hear this and you will probably hate me saying it but she is a complete p***k tease.
She is 18 and not ready to settle down and neither are you sweetheart, you are playing at being in a real relationship and no matter what is going on with you, you don't elaborate so I can't guess it is no excuse for her to behave in this way.
You say you don't have female friends you hang out with so is there something you feel guilty that you do so that you feel it is OK for your gf to spend so much time with these male friends and you are giving her a free licence to behave in this way?
You think right now she is the world to you, hang on a minute you have not spent a hell of a lot of time with so many women/females in your life yet if you are only 18 to know how a true relationship should work.
Being in a relationship for a number of years, having a committment with someone, living with them and taking the rough with the smooth for a year or 2 gives you so much more insight into what a person is about than living the way you are right now.
4 months is no time to truly know a person and so how much time do you spend with one another?
I would keep my wits about me as it looks like there are a lot of cocks (figure of speech, farmyard talk here) crowding round one hen who is the bees knees and who all want to have her for themselves.
I think this girls spells a lot of trouble for you.
She either makes more of a committment time wise to you and tells all these other guys that it is you she is with and wants to be with and to back off giving you hassle and spreading rumours about you behind your back or you get out as this will always be a problem for you.
No relationship can survive with all these other guys hanging around - it is two people in a relationship not 5 guys and 1 girl.
Think long and hard about what you are doing right now and don't rush into making a committment just yet, give it time and see how things progress as she may only want the ring out of you to prove that someone truly wants her.
It sounds to me like your gf is desperate for someone to truly show her love and a full on committment as none of these guys have ever shown her this, is she trying to see if Friend 1 offers her the same thing but is using your engagement as a way of pushing him into a corner.
I am sorry to be blunt but honesty is the only way I can be.
Wish you all the very best of luck.
BFN
Country Woman
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