A
female
age
41-50,
*aemae
writes:What do I do about drunk boyfriend?My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and we have one child who is three. I recentley broke up with him because his drinking has become a problem. I allowed him to come back because it hurt me to see him hurting and I believe it was a big mistake! Beer rules his life. He chooses to buy beer over paying bills and always claims he doesn't have that much money. I pay all the bills the only bill he has is his phone and gas for his vehicle. He won't even pay to keep insurance on his car. He was arrested last year for dui and blaimed the officer. I could'nt understand that. I told him she did'nt give you a beer then tell you to drive! Any he got probation and this hasn't changed anything. His drinking has got worse. I guess I just don't know how to get him to leave and keep him away since we have a child. I'm very unhappy and relize now more then ever. The few weeks we were seperated I had peace! I feel bad to say anthing because his birthday is at the end of the month. I have however been telling him that he needs help and he has a drinking problem. His response ...you don't like me when I'm drinking I don't like you if you when you don't drink(I do drink in moderation on special ocassions). I don't want to drink even 1 drink anymore he makes me miserable. He also tries to make me feel bad when I address any issues about our relationship or for him to quit drinking. Any ideas on what I can do would be helpful.
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female
reader, bunnyhat3r +, writes (19 September 2009):
omg...i don't think i could express to you how upset i am at this moment!..By experience!!!I grew up in a violent household when I was a kid and that is something I NEVER want to experience again, nor hear someone experiencing. I'll tell you one thing for sure, and I quote this from my mom who was beat black and blue, stabbed and almost shot to death "If he hits you once, he will hit you till you're DEAD!"And since you have a daughter, that is not healthy for her to see. I remember my dad kicking me in the face with his military boots on when i was 6, just because he came home DRUNK one night and seen that I wasn't asleep yet!...Can you imagine what he could do to your daughter one day if you weren't there?...Just because he's drunk doesn't mean he's totally unconcious about what he does!..men know what they do when they're drunk!!... My mom's dad tried to sexually harrass her when she was a kid ALSO because he was a drunk bastard as well! and tried to deny it when my mom would go crying to her mom but her mom would believe her because if she did, her dad would beat her mom!THINK AGAIN!! and I WISH my mom would have told the police on my dad! MAybe it would have made him a better man!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 September 2009):
Why don't you want to involve the law?????
HE HIT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!!
Why risk your childrens lives because you don't want to cause a fuss.
Ring 911 right now.
I'm glad you threw him out but you HAVE to follow through on this and most of all protect your children.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, maemae +, writes (19 September 2009):
maemae is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone I needed to hear this from someone who had no ties to me or him.
Well I told him that I wanted him to leave for good and took the key to our townhouse. He was very upset he told me I was a dirty bi*** and the yelling of course upset my daughter and she wanted me to pick her up so I did. That's when he got physcial. He choked me and slaped me a few times. I could only kick him a few times and I think he only let go cause he hit our daughter trying to hit me. He still would'nt leave til he tore the house up. Now I just want him gone from my life forever!!! I'm just affraid he'll calm down and try to come back or he might get more pissed and come back later I don't know what to do. I don't want to involve the law! I hope this is the end of it all!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 September 2009):
You know it was a mistake to let him back.
Now he knows all your threats to chuck him out are meaningless AND all he has to do is look a bit sad and you'll forgive him.
You have seen he's not going to change and he's using you because you let him. He knows you are weak.
So chuck him out again and this time for good. If you think you are going to cave in if you see him doing puppy eyes then DON'T SEE HIM.
Arrange for him to see his child with someone else like one of your parents supervising.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Here's one idea.....get this man out of your home. His behaviour is draining you, and he's giving the typical responses of someone with a substance abuse problem. If you draw a hard line with him,(ie; throw him out or move out and get a new place without him), and make him take responsibility for his lifestyle choices, one of two things will happen. Either he will realise what a drag he is and pull himself together and be a husband and father, or he will continue on and wreck his life. Your kid deserves the best you can give, and allowing the father to get away with being an irresponsible dick is not part of the parent/child deal. Good women don't deserve stupid men, even when they have kids together! Best of luck dealing with him. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Sorry your in the middle of this, life will get better and there's PLENTY of resources out there. What you're about to learn is that you're one of THOUSANDS that have gone through this, and you'll come out of this fine... if he's lucky, he'll hit a bottom and get his act together.First, google Al-anon and find a meeting near your home. Go there and share what you're going through. I'd attend the first meeting that they have, and if you want a woman's only meeting ask one of teh ladies. if you don't like the meeting, find another group until you find one that's comfortable. The meetings vary alot from location to location. At these meetings you'll find people from all segments of society. Some groups have higher (some lower) average income. I've found the best recovery comes from groups that (a) have a good mix...(being in a room full of people with "high class" problems can offer only one perspective, I make alot of money, but have learned the most when someone who's raising a family on minimum wage shares, the perspective is amazing, and in these groups NO ONE cares who you are, what you do, who your spouse is, how much you make... it's ALL about recovery... Al-anon is a wonderful organization for assisting you to take control of your life and continue living with an active alcoholic, and to stop judging, stop being aggressive, and how to focus on you and in turn be there for you child. There you'll find people you can idetify with and develop a series of tools that will make each day better than the last.It's non-demoniational, loosly organized, free if you can't afford a modest donation (usually $2)... When I started going, I was dating an alcoholic who was (and remains) sober. I thought that I was way past dealing with the desease (my mother and grandmother were both rageing alcoholics), but I quickly learned that I was not... it's made me a much better person.If you go to a meeting, and don't like it please don't give up, change meetings till you find one you love! They're out there...
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