A
male
age
30-35,
*arnetto
writes:i have no idea what to do! a week ago, i began a course and on it are some great people. but one of them i really like. the issue is she is engaged. i am usually slow to trust people and even once i trust people, am never comfortable with them. i have 3 people i call friends. and it took weeks of forcing myself to relax to be comfortable with them, relying on mutual interest. this is because of a combination of being hurt before and dyspraxia. but with her, i immediatly liked her. i immediatly was calmed as if my best mate was around. now, after a week, i.trust her completly and cant stop tginking about her. i dont know how she feels about me but she seems calm when im about, smiles when she sees ne and chooses to work with me or go out to lunch with me ect. she also has dyspraxia and i can see the same uncomfortableness i feel when she is talking to other people. but she is engaged. she seems happy with him but she has commented on issues and how i get tgings he doesnt. i know i cant tell her about my feelings as it would at least make it so weird between us, if not significantly worse. but i dont know if i can hide it. i dont want to lose her but every day my feelings grow more. i want her as a friend but, despite all logic, i cant stop thinking about my feelings for her. and people are seeing it. people on my course have notice i am sweet on her. she may realise and i dont know what to do or say if she does confront me. what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2015): Mate, it's been 7 days. And I'm guessing you don't hang out 24 hours a day. I'll also assume that you actually spoke one on one for less than 7 hours Since you had classes and other people to mingle with as well. What you have is the Beginning of a crush. Don't spend time with her and it will fizzle out no problem.It's a terrible idea to remain her 'friend' when you're secretly rooting for the failure of her engagement. That is not being a good friend. That is being selfish. You're already looking for the cracks in her relationship and you barely know her!I would definitely back off and make new friends. you'll wake up 1 few months from now frustrated, rejected and lonely because the cliques have already solidified and it's harder to make new friends.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 I'm so sorry, garnetto, I really did miss the mark. I guess I was focused on your comments about not wanting to lose her or that your feelings were growing every day and that you wanted her as a friend
How to deal with your feelings? Well, alas, we all experience the unhappy feeling of wanting something we can't have.
There's a very famous song by the Rolling Stones. "You can't always get what you want..." is the lyric that comes ot mind.
How to deal with unrequited love.... well, some people go out and start dating again. Some people just admit that there isn't anything that they can do and just carry on every day and try to make other friends.
You've known her for one week.
Time to use your known strategies for dealing with an obsession, I think. You don't have one? Use your internet search skills to find strategies that will help you.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, garnetto +, writes (17 February 2015):
garnetto is verified as being by the original poster of the question the issue isnt that i cant talk to her, its that i dont know how to deal with my feelimgs here and that she is engaged. but thanks for the responce and ill check out the link.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2015):
"Hi, Mindy, nice to see you, would it be possible to sit next to Sabrina today?" *smile* That's how you deal with the friend.
"Hi Sabrina, I know we have this thing in common and it's so refreshing to be able to connect with someone who is as nice as you. Could we have lunch together next [fill in the blank] at [best casual lunch place that is not noisy].
Here's my phone number."
Good luck.
I found a link for you, I expect you've seen it before? http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk
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