A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have known his girl for about a year we talk on the phone or text each from time to time. I thought I would take it to the next level, so, jokingly I asked her "How come someone like you does not have a boyfriend"? Her answer to me was "I don't know you well enough to answer to answer that". Now I am reluctant to pursue bacause i'm afraid what this actually eans in her personal life. Any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): I agree, if you are interested you should just ask her out on a date. (Make sure she knows it's a date. Sometimes girls think you are asking to "hang out" as a friend).
The question you asked was not very clear of your feelings, so don't be surprised if her answer wasn't very clear either.
I don't agree with the other answerers though. Her answer doesn't necessarily mean she isn't interested. (See, this is why you need to be more clear --now we all have to analyze). I know girls who might answer that way just because it's an awkward question. You know her better than any of us, is she a wallflower or shy type? Because I can see a shy girl answering like that because she might think that the question was sort of like a side comment on her inability to attract a man (maybe of course).
You'll never know for sure though until you clear up that question. Go for it, what do you have to lose? A friendship? Not worth it if you'll always be wanting more.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. Be direct. You have a great opportunity. tell her you'd like to get to know her better and ask her out. If she says she's not interested, wish her the best of luck and leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Taking it to the next level usually means you ask someone out, instead of making potentially misconstrued comments like the one you did.
Let's see, she could be a lesbian, she could have been involved in a disastrous relationship, she may be in the process of becoming a nun, she might be starting to date someone, she might be involved with a married man, there could be dozens of ways to take that.
Rather than imagine the worst, why not get to know her better?
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A
female
reader, Meeshell +, writes (14 April 2010):
She has her guard up for sure. But if I were interested in a guy I wouldn't have responded like that, my response would've been like, "I don't know..." or something lighthearted. But if she's uncomfortable with answering that question, then my guess is she is uncomfortable with the thought of you being interested in her. Sorry that's not what you want to hear. Maybe say, "sorry I didn't mean to offend" and just get to know her more, give it time if you really think she's worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): I think it means that she didn't want to answer the question and thought you were poking fun of her and she didn't like it.
If you want to take things to the next level, try being more direct and don't joke at her expense, that doesn't work with her.
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