A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been with my partner for 6 years, the first half of which he was in the military and we had a LDR. After he finished his service and moved back to our home city, we both decided to find better paying jobs and get a house together. We've now been living together for 1 year. Well last night in bed we were having a talk, mainly because he has been in xbox literally all the time and never wants to go out, we never have a 'date night,' etc. He was actually really nice and acknowledged the problem, he even agreed that we can have a 'date night,' though we will see if it actually happens.Well we started talking about when we first got together and about when we were in a LDR, and he mentioned how it was so exciting. (We wouldn't see each other in 3 weeks, I would always spend hours getting ready to look nice and dress nice for him, and all weekend was like a 'date night'.) I do wear makeup every day, do my hair nicely, and would say I'm still quite attractive - however I don't get dressed up as I used to when he came home in our LDR, because it's not realistic, especially when we're not doing anything. Well he also said to me 'I miss how you used to make such an effort.' I asked him if there was anything specific I used to do and he just said I would wash my hair and shave literally just before he was home, rather than the night before. I told him it wasn't realistic, because I work full time and would be getting all ready for him to sit on Xbox and me to cook tea, then for me to sit downstairs and watch TV by myself. He said he still finds me attractive and doesn't want me to do anything differently, but maybe he just didn't want to upset me? I now feel less attractive and a bit upset really, do I need to make more of an effort? How much effort is 'normal' in a long term relationship? Does it sound as though he no longer finds me attractive? Thanks in advance, I'm sorry this is so long.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 No honey it doesn't sound like he is not attracted to you anymore. I think what has happened is you have both got to the stage where you have both falling in to a routine. He misses how it used to be, when he was missing you lots and then he would see you, and off course you had made an effort because you had been missing him to, am sure your weekends used to be filled with fun as you both had been apart.
Now that you are living together off course you are not going to go to that effort. That's what happens as a relationship gets to this stage.
I think you might be both stuck in a rut. I can understand why you are upset but I don't think he meant it in the way you have took it. Off course you are making enough of and effort at the minute.
The date night is the way to go forward. You are both living together but not actually spending quality time together. You are both just living the motions. Make and effort at least once or twice a week to spend quality time together doing things that you both enjoy doing together.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2016): My personal view is that this is one of the disadvantages of living together before marriage. There is no marriage bonds, no responsibility of children. Nothing to hold you together when one party gets bored with the other, and it is in most cases the male who gets bored faster knowing the tendency of the male of all species to be polygamous.The only advice I can give you, and the poster of the previous post just before this one which seems to be in a similar predicament, is to sit down and discuss your problem frankly and if necessary separate your roads.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Theres no nothing to lose by being sexier for your man. Sex gets better, his self esteem gets better, and he treats you better. And then YES, he will start doing what you ask of him because youve just become that much more sexier to him.
Give it a go. Look at it this way: What do you have to lose by getting dressed and looking more attractive? It boosts YOUR self esteem and inadvertently, boosts his.
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