A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So last year I was meeting this guy for a while (about 2 months) and to my shock he told me that he was going to prison. He had gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd something to do with drugs and he got sentenced. We agreed to not talk whilst he’s in prison because it would mess both our heads up. I was obviously a little gutted but knew it was for the best. So he has recently got out of jail and he got in touch with me , it has been nice to hear from him and he wants to take me out on a date which I have said yes too. Just whilst we have been speaking again he seems very distant. Some days he can be phoning/texting all day then some days hardly speak at all, maybe speak in the morning and then that’s it. I confronted him and he said I need to relax he’s trying to sort himself out and he’s taking me out so what does that show me. Am I being abit dramatic thinking it’s me he doesn’t want to talk to? Or do you think it’s because he’s adjusting to life again? He was in prison for 14 months so quite a while to be away for. Could someone give me some advice please? What could be going on with him?
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (23 November 2018):
 I can only imagine that this guy has not had the easiest of times over the last 14 months and needs some space and time to get himself back together. I think at this point the last thing he needs is someome on his case that he has not responded to certain texts, calls, emails.
I would advise giving him plenty of space, and see what transpires futher down the line, maybe three or four months, or even longer depending on him.
We all have a choice regarding what we do in life, the social circles that we move in. He had a choice, and decided to get in with this crowd. If you got with him in the future, how do you know he is not going to get in with the wrong crowd again?. If he did and was considering another stretch, how would you cope with that, as next time you could be married with kids.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 November 2018):
 Youcannotbeserious is spot on.
What proof do you have that he was in prison?
How do you KNOW he isn’t using drugs now?
How do you KNOW he has a proper job?
How do you KNOW he isn’t still involved with the wrong people?
HOW does he have money after being in jail?
HOW does he have a job straight after being in prison?
WHY are you going to date someone who has only just come out of prison?
Firstly, most people who are only just beginning to date don’t talk every day. They text a few times or have a quick call every other day or every few days. Lastly, it’s not wise to date someone who only recently came out of prison. Let them get their lives sorted, THEN consider dating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2018): Yes he was in jail I went to see him on one occasion and my cousin went to see him almost every weekend. He’s not with the same friends because they are also in jail still AND he knows he made mistakes. I doubt he’s on drugs I’ve known him for a long time and never took drugs as far as I know. He has a job fencing with somebody he knows.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (23 November 2018):
 I have more questions than answers I'm afraid.
1. Do you know for a fact he was in prison? Could it have been he was in another relationship but wanted to keep you on the back burner in case things didn't work out?
2. If his original story was true, do you know he is not back with the same friends and mixed up in what got him into trouble in the first place?
3. Do you know he is not on drug himself?
4. How much do you actually know about his life? Does he have a job, for instance?
My only advice would be to tread carefully and take things slowly. The only information you have on this guy is what he has chosen to tell you. That could be very selective or even downright lies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2018): Not sure if this helps you, but I've had similar issues with my long distance girlfriend (some days we talk lots, some days none at all) and I've also felt anxious about it as you do. I think the best thing you can do is not dwell on it too much. Coming up with things to text about all day every day isn't easy. And he's probably a little rusty at social interaction from being in prison. Confronting him about it may only make him more self conscious. Personally, I think cell phones are evil and texting all day every day is unsustainable, and takes away from in-person interactions (but that's just my own opinion)...
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