A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were talking last night about sex, and he told me that "you're not that good on top. But I can help you. But I'm not saying you're bad also." I'm glad he was being honest about it, but I'm not gonna lie, it did hurt a lot hearing that. But what I don't understand is this... He always compliments me and tells me that I'm amazing at oral, foreplay, etc., and he told me that I was good at sex in general. It just makes me wonder if he's been lying to me about everything else to spare my feelings or something. I don't see how I can be good in bed in general, yet I'm "not that good" on top.How can you even be good/bad on top in the first place? What constitutes as being good/bad on top? What are some things I can to do be great on top? I always thought I've been doing the right thing, it's not like I just sit on top of him barely moving, I make obvious efforts. And as a side note, we usually only are able to have sex in one of our cars unfortunately for multiple reasons... so there's never a lot of room.I'm an extremely self conscious person with a tremendously low self esteem as it is, so knowing that I'm not pleasing him when I'm on top just kinda kills me and makes me feel terrible about myself. My main concern is knowing that he's happy and that I can please him... I need help! =/Thank you! =)
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female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Ever thought that maybe you're really good and he's intimidated by how overall good you are in bed? Maybe he felt like there was too much competition and he has to take a verbal stab at you, to make himself feel better. I've known men who do this. ...Imagine two people wrestling and one is noticing he's not as up to par, so he'll try to mentally shake 'em. Same possible thing in your situation and some men do it not realizing they're working against you in competition, when they should be working with you as a partner.
Then, there's also the fact that maybe you could improve your cowgirl techniques; well, really there's always room for improvement.
Techniques to try:
Guys like more of a up and down motion; as opposed to just back and forth, but they REALLY like a wave motion (combo of the two). To help you establish a good rhythm, while doing the wave, try having him draw up his knees when laying down, use both of your knees to do the up and down as well, or experiment with putting one knee up and a time.
"The Wave" like motion; (go up using thighs to elevate you a bit); rotate hips to where butt is going up,(towards the ceiling if you're parallel), then try using a scooping motion to meet him back at his pelvic bone. "The wave" is better = more stimulation for you both; taking the strain off your hips and giving you some clitoral stimulation when returning to the pelvic bone.
Leaning back in cowgirl is also a really good G-spot hit for you as well and takes that thigh burn away a little; before you get back into your cowgirl zone, (think of it like...workin' on a treadmill; but the cowgirl way isn't just challenging, it's simulating and enjoyable).
IF, facing cowgirl is hurt you (hitting you in your cervix) then reverse cowgirl would be better for you, (where you're not facing him), especially if he's really big or long.
Rhythm is good. To help you keep it up, put on some music that can call the beat while you two try to keep it together.
If stability is an issue for you, then some home exercises will help improve your sexual positions:
AOL - Better Sex Exercises suggests, "...for five key exercises that help reshape the body while conditioning the sex muscles that matter most in bed. If you're ready to impress when it's time to undress, this is the program for you!
Note: Do all five exercises in a circuit -- one exercise after the other with little to no rest in between. If you're a beginner, try to do the circuit one time, three times a week (resting 48 hours between workouts). If you're more of an intermediate to advanced exerciser, you can do the circuit two to three times (resting one to two minutes between circuits). "Start by using very light weights -- or no weight at all -- until you feel comfortable with each move," says Montenegro. "As you begin to progress (which can happen in as little as two to three weeks), you can begin adding more weight to each move in small increments."
Pulse Power
"Women tend to tax more of the muscles in their legs, core and hip flexors during sex than men do," says Montenegro. "To keep them from tiring out too soon, plus allow them to have the ability to deliver bursts of explosiveness under the sheets when necessary, nothing beats the power squat."
How to do it: Stand holding a dumbbell in each hand, arms down at your sides. Place your feet wider than shoulder width apart with your toes pointing out. Keeping your head looking forward (don't look up), squat down until your hips are parallel to the floor, then explosively jump up as high as possible. Land softly on the balls of the feet, sink back down into a squat position and repeat 10-12 times. "Beginners can perform this exercise with no weights," says Montenegro.
A Better Butt for Better Sex
"Most women realize they have to look good not just from the front but also from the back while performing their next pass," says Montenegro. But those muscles behind you -- your lower back, hamstrings and glutes -- aren't just for show. "Great sex -- no matter what the position may be -- requires a strong and flexible back, as well as a set of strong glutes and hamstrings for support and stability," says Montenegro. That's when a classic exercise called "good mornings" can come to your rescue.
How to do it: Stand with a light barbell across your back. Your feet should be narrower than shoulder width apart, knees slightly flexed, feet pointed forward. Keeping your back flat and abs tight, bend at the waist and stick your butt out behind you until your torso is almost parallel to the floor (Don't bend your legs as you lower the bar -- you should feel your butt and hamstrings stretch as you bend.) Reverse the motion until you've returned to the starting position and repeat. Try to do 10-12 repetitions per set.
"The adductor and abductor muscles within your thighs may be small, but to reach that 'oh, baby' moment, you have to hit them," says Montenegro. Training these tiny muscles can keep your legs from tiring out as fast, especially in poses that require you to either wrap your legs around your partner or maintain them in a widened position. "The physio ball bridge exercise (with one leg straight up) forces you to squeeze all of the stabilizer muscles as you simultaneously contract your adductors, abductors and your glutes," says Montenegro.
How to do it: Lie on your back with your feet on a stability ball, knees bent. Place your arms out to your sides for balance, palms facing up. Lift one leg and extend it so your heel is pointing to the ceiling. Holding that position, slowly raise your hips up until your body forms a straight line from your knees to your shoulders, then lower back down. Repeat the move for 10-12 repetitions, then switch to work the opposite leg. "Keep the ball stable and don't touch the floor the entire time," says Montenegro. "You should feel all of your muscles -- your glutes, adductors, abductors and hamstrings -- engaged at all times."
Hard Core
"He's not the only one that has to worry about being able to last as long as possible," says Montenegro. "In order to maintain certain poses, you must have strong abs, not just to help you sustain a position but to avoid injuring your back. Doing a sit-up with a small Physio ball between your legs is an excellent exercise to [get] rock-hard abs for hardcore you-know-what."
How to do it: Lie down on your back with your feet flat against a wall for support and a medicine ball between your thighs. Cross your arms over your chest, then squeeze the ball with your legs. (You'll squeeze the ball throughout the entire exercise.) Keeping your chin off your chest, contract your ab muscles and slowly lift yourself up. (Your back should stay flat as you go.) Lower yourself back down to the floor and repeat for 10-15 reps. "If you need to increase the difficulty, hold a dumbbell or place a weight plate across your chest," says Montenegro.
Stretch His Imagination
Being flexible in your legs may seem obvious for better sex, but for many "creative" positions, you need to be limber and strong simultaneously. "That's because certain poses require one leg to wrap around him (requiring inner thigh strength) while the other needs to be able to stretch to accommodate your guy (requiring extra flexibility)," says Montenegro. "This is where lateral lunges can help -- doing this move strengthens the quadriceps of one leg while simultaneously stretching the adductor muscles and glutes of the other leg."
How to do it: Start in a standing position with your feet a few feet wider than shoulder width apart, feet pointing forward. Lean to one side as you push your hips back simultaneously until all your weight is on one foot -- your opposite leg should be straight but not locked. Push off your heel and return to the starting position, then repeat the exercise, this time leaning to the other side. Do 12-15 repetitions for each leg." - http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/09/17/better-sex-exercises/
Enjoy!
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