A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I am looking for some advice I met a wonderful woman a few months back who is a single mother. We are both 28 years old. I have never been married, she is divorced with 2 boys ages 3 and 9. I really enjoy being with her...more than anyone else i have dated in the past. So we finally got around to dating, first lunch and then we got to spend the day together. Im wondering what kinds of challenges i could expect, ups and downs, and limitations i would have to put on my own life to be successful in this relationship. Any info from people who have experienced this would help. I am just scared that it may not work out due to issues that really dont relate to how her and i feel about one another. How do you overcome this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): If you're going to be with this lady long term, then you will eventually step up and be a father figure to her children. You have to consider that should you have a child with her, that you treat all children as if they're your own. Expect challenges when you eventually live together because those kids are going to test your boundaries and push your buttons and while you will be a father figure you will have to talk with her about how she expects good behaviour to be encouraged in her boys and what the consequences are for them - because you could ruin a happy relationship with her if you try and issue consequences to her children that she doesnt agreed with.If you don't want to take on the responsibility of a family that's not your own then I suggest you just end things on good terms now - because the worse thing you can do is build a relationship with this lady and earn her trust to meet her children, she goes through the effort of telling them "mummy has met someone new etc..." and then you suddenly decide it's not for you. In this relationship therr is more than just the feelings of 2 adults at stake, but her children's lives too. You obviously don't want to be introduced to her children on your 3rd date as mummys new boyfriend because that's far too early in a relationship for then to have to deal with the idea of someone new - but there will come a point when you will have to meet them, probably as "mums friend" and spend time with them. You will not have a load of dates just getting to know her, because you will also have to earn the trust of her children and will gradually spend more time with them as a family.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 I would first assume that she is looking for something serious, like you do. You might find it hard to find alone time with her. At the first few months, she may be trying to impress you so she would try her hardest to find babysitting so she can see you more often. After you settle into a comfortable routine, she may scale down on the babysitting, hoping that you would warm up to her kids and be a more active part in their lives.
Second challenge is that, she may not want more kids while you want to have a kid of your own. If that's true, you would feel you are sacrificing something important just so you can be with her.
Ideally, a guy who would work out best for her is someone who does not see this as a challenge to overcome, but rather he sees the two kids as an added bonus in his life. Meaning that kids are kids, and they are all equal, precious and deserving of love. Someone who feels that the more the merrier, that kind of attitude.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 What is it you are worried about? Is it the children? It is great that you are getting on well, but before it goes further you need to accept that she comes as a package with two young boys, she is divorced and am guessing they still see their dad. It is a lot to take on at 28 and you need to be sure you are ready before it gets to serious. These boys have had enough hurt watching there parents getting divorced, so not to scare you but you need to be sure you can handle it before you get introduced to them.
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