A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just wanted some opinions on this subject because Im finding more and more that Im in the minority here. The thing is I really dont understand how people can cut each other out of their lives after a relationship breaks up. When Im with someone, even quite casually, I become really close to them. They are the person who knows me intimately and all my private thoughts. What I dont understand is why that all disappears when relationships end? How can you let someone you were so close to walk away forever? Im a generally happy girl with a great family and close friends and although I get lonely sometimes I dont think I have huge issues with that.But I see so often on this site advice given to 'move on', 'get on with your life' and 'dont see them anymore' that I think im the only one who would do absolutely anything to stay friends with an ex. Im not saying Id still see anyone abusive but I am starting to worry that I would put up with nearly anything in order for someone to stay part of my life.My ex of 8 years is still my best friend but its taken a lot of hard work. But surely isnt it worth it??? It may sound like I dont have a problem at all here but Ive just broken up with a guy who doesnt seem to share this view and its tearing me apart.Where does all that love go??
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): i guess all people are different.some people feel they need closure to cut you off and move on, which is sad as they are like a best friend to you so I TOTALLY understand what you mean. i dont get why people do this unless it was a very bad break up..i.e he cheated on you etc...if it ever happens email the person and try to stay friends, but it might get complicated if u still have feelings for some of ur ex's if you are close friends as ur new boyfriends wont like this. It can sometimes make it harder to move on I guess because how do we know if we still have feelings or we dont want to move on with a new guy? it all depends on the guy and the situation; but i think it would be a weird world if every1 was best friends with their ex boyfriends
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): hi. believe me you are not the only person who thinks and feels this way. About 10 years ago i went out with a guy and we got on well, had lots in common on the same wavelength etc. When we split up we didn't speak to each other for nearly 2 years, not my choice. One day i saw him in town, my heart leapt in my mouth but i took the 1st step and said hello. to my surprise he chatted and asked me to go to coffee with him, we chatted non stop for the full hour about all sorts and arranged to meet up again. We went out for tea and drinks a few times and text each other. we both knew we still had feelings for each other but i never wanted to lose a friendship so never said anything. 18 months ago i met a new guy and we are now getting married, he knew all about my friendship with my ex boyfriend and was ok with it after they had met briefly. Since xmas however I have text my friend but for whatever reason he has decided to completely ignore me, and I haven't seen him in town either although I know where he works. I feel sad for this loss of friendship as as far as I know I haven't done or said anything wrong. I don't hold any grudges against him for cutting me off, maybe he struggled knowing I am with someone else. don't beat yourself up about it. Be happy for knowing that you have tried your best to stay friends as I had with this guy, there will be a reason and I'm sure he still has underlying feelings for you, but doesn't want to or can't handle them. take care and be happy
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (5 July 2009):
 when we say move on, we mean "mentally" move on, physically moving on is inevitable, that closeness has to end once a relationship ends.of course some people are happy being friends with their ex, that's their choice, and there are some (like me) who if having a relationship its breaks down and ended badly, better to leave the other's life and let them get on without having my presence getting in the way.its up to the individual. there isn't a right or wrong answer. but I'm guessing if I stayed friends with my ex's my husband wouldn't be too impressed if I invited them to my house for a cup of tea and a chit chat like I do with my gf's ;) there's a limit for everything. and unfortunately ur ex doesnt want to remain friends, u have to respect his choice if u ever loved him, and let him go.
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A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom  +, writes (5 July 2009):
I don't think you can forget about a person I think people just grow apart but it is always a good thing that you can still be good friends ex bf. But if you want to forget about him you will eventually in time. This ya girl, peace.
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