A
female
age
30-35,
*ami
writes:Ok so this is a bit of a long one but your answers will be fully apprechiated!! :)Ok so on new years eve (this year) i was out with my friends having a great night, i ended up in a huge crowd at the bar and bumped into some guy, as soon as i set eyes on him i felt all funny. He smiled the cutest smile ever and said "nice dress!" I said thank you and we ended up chatting briefly. He then said he would come back and find me at midnight. Midnight came and he rushed over and gave me a kiss on my cheek and said that he was seeing someone so i kinda had to forget about him. But i thought about him for weeks after this. About 3 months later i bumped into him in town again and he came and told me he was now single and he thought i was gorgeous, we had a lil kiss and then i left. We shared a few texts and he said how much he wished he had seen me earlier on in the night and he was really sweet. About 2 months after that we bumped into each other again and this time (shamefully) i was v v v drunk. I fancied him soooo much so i went over and asked if he wanted to come home with me, he said yeah and away we went. We sat and talked for hours and laughed like mad and eventually we had sex. For about 5 hours!! This was the best sex of my life and i couldnt stop looking at him. The next morning i woke up and panicked because i realised what had happend, what was going on? He was stunning and way too nice for me so i quickly got up and got showered..you know how it is girls (mascara everywhere!) and i started getting dressed. He then woke up and smiled that same smile that made my stomach flip. He then said are you going somewhere? And i said no why? And he said well get your sexy ass over here then. And away we went again haha..he stayed at mine all day and made me feel amazing. So off he went and during this time i had discovered that he didnt want a relationship as he wanted some time on his own. This i was fine with, his honesty was refreshing and i didnt think i'd see him again.So sometime past and 3 weeks ago i got a text saying he wanted to meet up with me. I agreed and we arranged a date for a friday a few weeks later (we are both v busy) so it was a saturday night and i was at a party when i got a text from him asking where i was and what i was up to..and the texts soon became rude and before i knew it we had met at mine at 4am and were yet again having the most amazing sex of my life. But this is where the weirdness started. I had set in my mind that this was JUST sex. He kept grabbing my face and stopping and staring straight into me and when i asked what was wrong he kept saying you are so beautiful, look at you how lucky am i. And during sex he whispered me and you are gonna have the most amazing sex together. And then afterwards he was telling me about his new house and how he wanted me to come to his housewarming and his brother rang him and he put me on the phone and his brother was like "oh he really likes you". So he was at mine again until dinnertime the next day and just before he left i said so much for waiting until friday and he said what do you mean im still coming on friday. So by this point i realised i majorly liked him. Friday came and we sat and talked for longer then we had before and we realised we have lots and lots of stuff in common and we were flirty and there was this chemistry between us! And so we had sex again and afterwards i decided to confront him. I asked him what we were doing and he said we are having amazing sex, and when i asked him if we were seeing each other he said no and that he didnt want to have a relationship. I never thought this would upset me but it did. I felt winded and he left. I cried and realised how much of an idiot i had been. We have so much in common and we obviously fancy each other and dont even get me started on the sex! So its frustrating that he doesnt want anything more. Since this we have sorted stuff and we have said we are still mates. I wish i could make him see that we could be really good together but men can be stubborn with stuff like this. The thing is im not a clingy girl. I have a successful career which takes up most of my time and i just want us to have fun together but exclusive fun. I have told him all this but he still says the same..do i carry on inviting him round and hoping one day he'll realise we should be together or should i cut him out of my life?Thank you so much peeps..sorry it was so long xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Sorry hun, but a player can have sex with you 100 times and never fall in love with you. I think for your own self-interest, you should stop having sex with him. This is truly the only way he might look at you differently.
Most players have an intimacy disorder that they will need counseling and behavior modification to overcome. I am sure he is not interested in this as he doesn't think he has a problem.
I was involved with a player for over 4 years and believed all the crazy things he would tell me to keep me around. Then I did a very bad thing and started reading his emails. I quickly realized how bad off he truly was. Everything he was telling me, he would also tell other women. All the cute things he did and said with me, he also did and said to other women. It was a blow, but I'm glad I did it, the truth set me free from the spell he had on me. This man sounds so much like my guy.
These guys are charming beyond belief, they have to be in order to keep women around. They are playing a game that they practice, take notes, and become experts at.
Save yourself and protect your heart. You can stay friends with him, but don't have sex. Your vagina is attached to your heart and that great sex will give you a heart break that takes a long time to repair, perhaps even cause damage beyond repair.
Good luck to you :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Every player out there has "commitment issues but amazing chemistry." They're still players. Sorry but I think this one's over. There are millions of men out there who have never had these "commitment issues" any time in their life. I say go find one of them and leave this guy alone. It sounds like you're a fuck buddy to him, nothing more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): if you want to keep having sex then keep inviting him round,if this is an issue, dont.he obviously isnt ready for a relationship so maybe if you keep having sex, then he will realise how much he likes you, i hope this helpsx
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