A
female
age
36-40,
*histooshallpass
writes:Okay. So I'm getting over him, or trying. But there are some things that are making it impossible. One: I see him almost every day at the gym (he works there, and yes, working out does make you feel better post-break up, but not when he tries to flirt and pretend nothing ever happened every time you go!!). Two: He still wants to be friends. Calls me, asks me to hang out, smoke, whatever. I want to. Of course I WANT to. It takes everything inside of me to ignore his phone calls when he calls to hang out, but I know that if I spend time with him I'm going to fall in love all over again... Every once in a while, I talk to him when he calls. I ignore, and then I answer. I'm screwing with my own head. I'm trying to be strong, but every once in a while I give in to him. I just can't let him go. He's the only boy I've ever loved and we only dated for three months. I just don't know what to do. I just miss him. I just want to cuddle with him and kiss him and hear his voice. I'm literally crying at work while writing this. What do you do when you just can't let go? I'm working out, I'm finding new activities, hanging out with my friends.. I just can't stop thinking about him. Just last night he called me twice to hang out and I ignored him. Then we I saw him in the gym today, he ignored me. I bawled on the walk home. Some days I just think that there will never be another guy that I will love the way I loved him. I know it's ridiculous, but he was everything I wanted... He just didn't want me as badly I suppose. (The reason why we broke up is because of him never calling when he said he was going to, being dishonest, fighting constantly...). Ah, I'm rambling. Help me?
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female
reader, Fasion victims  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 heyif you carnt stop thinking about him then is ovbvious that you still want him/ me and my sister always say that second chances dont come around with guys. but this one seems special to you and from what i have read you are speacial to him to. maybe you dont pick up when he calls but he oviously wants you to know that he is there for you. Guys wanna hang out with you for a reason sometimes its a friendly chat, somtimes its to apologize about the mistakes they made. Maybe know he knows what he did and that you wouldn't stick around if he didnt change. We say give him another chance but dont let him do the same thing again make yourslef clear that you wont stand for him doing the same thing again.goodluck and lots of lovefasion victimsxxxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): honestly, only you know what you are feeling in your heart. If you truely do love him, and you cannot imagine yourself without him... then its obvious what you need to do. But, if you dont want to be with him, you need to join a different gym and distance yourself from him. Just remember, life is too short to be afraid of being happy or even being afraid of getting hurt. Your an adult, getting hurt is a part of life. Sit down with him, and be honest with eachother. Have an adult conversation, just sitting down with eachother and seing the way you look at eachother in the eyes when you talk, that should have SOMETHING go off in your mind and you heart. dont be afraid to get hurt, be afraid of making the mistake of not taking the chance.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Well you could be bold and simply ask him point blank the next time he calls, "Hey do you want to get back together again or what?"....he'll then do one of two things, he'll say yes which is why he's been calling you. Or he'll suddenly remember he forgot to do his laundry and hang up quickly. Then you'll know what's going on. If he actually says, "No, he just wants to be friends..." then tell him you have enough friends, and you need time to get over him so he should quit calling you all the time so you can have a life. Then I wouldn't answer his calls after that. And you can join a new gym.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Join a new gym. Its too soon to see him all of the time.You will never move on from a guy when you see him so much. Ignore his calls, explain you dont owe him anything and you dont want to speak to him, as you are busy and dont have the time. If he keeps ringing, keep ignoring him. Remember there are good guys out there. Spend quality time with your friends and family. Indulge yourself in new clothes, new haircut, new shoes, nights out, new class or anything just for you that you will enjoy. When you are tempted to call him, keep a diary or a journal somewhere private that you can detail what you want to say. Or write him a letter but then BURN it. You can only move on from someone when you have nothing to do with them. And one day soon, you will realise you did the right thing, and you will meet the right guy. Keep your chin up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): My ex broke up with me about a year ago. She wanted to end it, not me, and i took it very very hard. I tried being friends with her afterwards, but i found it was just so hard, as all my feelings were still there, and whenever we went out it reminded me of the times we were together and it make things worse. I thought i'd never get over her, but i did.How did i do it?I stopped all contact with herI started hanging around with my friends A LOT, support from your friends helps always...Got back into gymMade sure i kept busy all the time. As soon as you start sitting around, you start thinking about it.I finally met someone else, which helped immensely. I know at the time, the last thing on your mind is finding someone new, but it will help.I think the most important point though, is that you stop seeing your ex. No gym, no phone calls, no outings etc. Your only torturing yourself by seeing him. You need to stop it. And you never know, you may get back together somewhere down the track. In the meantime get out there and meet new people!..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): You need to make a complete break away from him. Find a new gym, do not answer any of his calls. From the sounds of things this guy is screwing with your head and he knows it. Unless he genuinely wants you back, then he is messing with you and you need to take back the control and make it stop. I went out with someone, like you, for 3 months. I'd never been in a proper relationship before and I was head over heels. When we split up it was awful and to make matters worse he was on the same course as me and we saw each other pretty much every single day with no escape. It took me about a year and a half to get over it, but I know that was because of the constant contact. I only really started to get over it once uni was over-I guess this is why they say don't mix business with pleasure eh?Anyway, my point is the more you see him, the worser it will make you feel. You have the choice not to see him, so in order to really get over him you need to go cold turkey. Delete his number from your phone, block it if you can (or if you know you'll be tempted to answer when he calls) find that new gym, and carry on with your new activities and doing stuff with your friends because they will get you through it.In time, you will get over this. Best of luck :-)
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