A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's marriage ended due to his wife cheating. His next 2 girlfriends also cheated on him. Now in our relationship, I can not go out with my friends or visit my son who works as a bartender without it starting verbal fights. If I look too long in any one direction when I am out with him the same thing happens. I cannot bring up the name of my ex husband without him accusing me of thinking about him and wanting him back. So not true. I have been walked out on and verbally abused in public several times when we were out together because I talked to someone other than him. He admits he has a jealousy problem and knows this is wrong but it doesn't seem to look like it will change. Any suggestions? He recently gave me an engagement ring.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Other than the jealousy, is he deep down a good man? All those previous bad relationships leave scars. Sometimes huge scars. I know because I was like him. Sometimes, I still am. But I have learned to control it and redirect my thoughts. It took a LONG time though. You need to sit down, and calmly explain it to him. Tell him how much you love him. But tell him how the jealousy will eventually drive you two apart. Speak from your heart so he knows you are sincere, but make your boundaries clear. He will mess up again. What's important is how you react to it when he does. Don't speak to him, don't be easy to forgive him. You have to make him "understand" it's unacceptable. But in a loving way. Don't lash out at him, but rather show him how hurt you are when he disrespects you publicly. Also, I'm sure meeting your son at a bar isn't the ONLY place you can spend time with him. It's all about compromise.
A
male
reader, BigRuss  +, writes (17 October 2010):
I agree with person12345, I was in the same situation ie being controlled and that marriage ended.
If you don't nip it in the bud, it will cripple you and the more acceptance you give the more he may take, until there is nothing left of you.
it might not be that drastic but as above, nip it in the bud :)
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A
male
reader, morris_say +, writes (17 October 2010):
Along with him sounding jealous, it also seems he doesn't trust you. Be honest with him and let him know his behaviour right now is unacceptable, he needs to get help with his jealousy and not let his past rule his present. Do not put that engagement ring on until his jealousy stops affecting your relationship, however long that takes.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 October 2010):
 This is extremely unhealthy behavior and needs to stop. You need to tell him that he needs to learn to control his jealousy or he'll drive you two apart. It's very controlling to be so jealous and he's preventing you from fully enjoying your life and your friends by fighting with you about it. If you're in a relationship where you can't go hang out with friends because of his jealousy, that's not healthy.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (17 October 2010):
 He needs to see a cousellor, how dare he accuse you of things you are not doing, and how dare he go nuts if you want to go out with your friends or see your son!!!
On the positive, he has admitted he has a problem. So it's up to him (with your support) to get help. The sooner he gets this help, the better. Then you can enjoy each others company, and still be confident and have total trust.
He needs to know that giving you abuse in public is bang out of order!!! Get him the help he needs...
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