A
female
age
,
*ishfulmamma
writes:My daughter, 17 (18 in July) and her boyfriend (19)have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years. All they do is fight. Her boyfriend is very insecure and thinks that she is going to cheat on him with every male friend she has. They do love each other, but I don't know what to say to him to make him feel more secure in his relationship with my daughter. Help!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 March 2009):
I was going to say exactly what Annalisa said.
If you daughter has asked you to have a word then tell him that he should feel bloody lucky to be going out with your daughter and he can stop being a stupid little arsehole of a boy, and grow up.
If she doesn't want you to interfere then you probably shouldn't though.
Just tell her that real men don't act like this and if he carries on making her upset then she should be strong enough to walk away from him. That is one of the best lessons in life you can teach her.
No matter how much you may love them, if they do not make you happy then leave.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): You probably shouldn't intervene. Some people are just insecure by nature. It's not their fault, but not you or anybody else is going to be able to change that. Best thing to do is just hope for the best.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 I dont think you should get involved here, this is between the two of them. I understand you are only trying to help as you dont want to see your daughter unhappy when they are arguing all the time but if you get involved it will only make things worse. Her boyfriend will just feel uncomfortable and may think you are trying to mother him or that your daughter has asked you to say something to him. And your daughter will only get annoyed that you got involved, she is at the age where she is wanting to find her feet and wanting to be her own person, so to have mum step in and try and sort things out will only get her annoyed with you.
I know it is hard when you see your daughter unhappy but at the end of the day, this boyfriend probably isnt the right guy for her if he cant trust her. But she needs to realise this herself, and this can take time. She needs to learn from her mistakes so let her live her life without getting involved and you can be there to pick up the pieces when things go wrong.
I remember when I was your daughter's age that I had a couple of boyfriends that my mum did not feel were treating me right, but she never once said anything to them. She stood by me, gave me all the support I needed and eventually when things did end I realised that my mum was right about these boyfriends being wrong for me. But this realisation only came once I had ended the relationship myself, and I am so glad my mum never got involved otherwise I would have resented her for meddling and I would have rebelled against her even more by getting more serious with whichever boyfriend I was with at the time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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