A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i met this amazing guy who i fell in love with very quickly we spent every day together just about for 2 months he left his g/f a week after we became friends we decided to be exclusive a couple days before he went out of state for his cusins b day the day before he left we spent the night together and the entire next day untill i had to go to my friends funeral then we met up before he left to say goodby we kissed and he left we texted the day before he was supposed to come home and he said when he gets home he wants us to spend more time together and he missed me and asked me what i wanted as a gift from where he was that was the last time i talked to him he got shot in the head that night and never made it home and is in recovery that was about a month n a half ago i went there and stayed a week n went back the next week and stayed a few days untille his mom said no one was aloud back he was in a coma hes awake and talking now and walking but he hasnt called anyone from home yet idk y his mom is very christan and he is married but theve been seperated for 8 months his mom doesnt belive in divorce therfore they havent gotten one yet she wants him to be with his wife and im close with his best friend and cousin who told me if his mom knew we were dating she wouldnt tell me how he was doing and she wont let anyone come up there and c him or let anyone talk to him not even his cousins because she wants him to get back with his wife and she wants him to be a changed man and more christan like herself she told me when the time was right she would let me talk to him but what if she never does and i never get to see him again ive spent every night since he left crying he made me promise before he left that i would always be there for him and i feel like i let him down i need help hes my world and i want nothing more then to just hear his voice what can i say to his mom to get her to let me talk to him?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Okay, I think I managed to read through your question. It is a little hard to understand but I think the guy you are in love with was shot in the head, and is now recovering. He is married, although separated, but his mother doesn't want you to talk to him right now.
First of all, you need to understand that this type of injury can be devastating. I did a little research on this when my brother was in a major accident and was in a coma himself. It takes time to heal from this and while he may be awake and talking and walking, he is still undergoing therapy and is by no means 'cured'.
Second, the stress this type of medical emergency puts on a family is HUGE. I cannot emphasize this enough. It's all a mother can do to get meals on the table and do the other household and daily chores--sometimes, it's all overwhelming. It is so so hard for a family to cope with this type of situation, that everything else gets put on hold.
They are not trying to be mean to you, my guess is that you are a complication they just don't have the mental and emotional resources to deal with. I think you need to recognize that your emotional needs to talk with him, your claim that he is 'your world', are more about you than about him right now. Consider that you might be edging towards selfishness right now, by expecting his mom to put you in touch with him. He is dealing with recovery, he is dealing with getting himself healthy and back together. When he is able to talk to you, he will ask for you. You will simply have to be patient.
Start a journal, write down all your feelings (a plea for the reader: try to include some periods so we know when a sentence begins and ends) and date each entry. When he is well enough, you can show him your journal and all your thoughts and feelings and he will know that you didn't 'let him down.'
So reach down deep inside yourself, find those reserves of patience and courage, and apply those now. When he wants you, he will find you, okay?
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Maybe the reason his mom doesn't want you to see him has more to do with his state of HEALTH more than anything else. He just came out of a coma, perhaps the doc's told her to keep visitations to a minimum. He needs to reserve all his energy. You can speculate all you want and so can his friends but the truth is you don't know what she is thinking or why she did that.
But if you are a nervous wreck imagine how his MOTHER is right now. She is not thinking straight. Don't add more pressure to that. If anything offer to help WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. Right now she has requested that he have his privacy so just respect that for now. Things can change. Sit down, pray, go to church, pray for him. If you want to communicate with him, send him or deliver him a card with a message, hopefully a family member will read it to him. Address it as " a friend." Pick him some flowers or anything you would like to share with him and deliver it to his hospital. And pray alot for him.
And I wouldn't think that in this trying time, his mother is too concerned over this or that drama he may have with women. I think his health is all that's on her mind.
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