A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry if this is really long, but it's sort of tough to fit it in a short thing. Basically, this is what is happening. I have been friends with a guy for about 2 years. Last year he and I were together alot because we are part of the same department at school. We used to hang out a lot and just talk for hours and we even met each other's parents. He always used to bring up little facts about me that no one else knew like he was trying to show off that he knew these things about me and would try to remember the things I told him about my friends. Basically, he seemed to be interested. He even made a move on my around Christmas time, but I unfortunately didn't know that was what he was doing so I kept talking. Now, here is the problem. During the summer we didn't speak at all, mostly because between the 2 of us we were working 5 jobs, so... When we got back to school we found out we were in a class together. Without me saying anything to him on the first day (which was when I found out) he sat down next to me and pretended like no time had passed since we last talked to each other. Then when class was done he went out of his way to walk me home. I took this as a sign that he still felt the same way as he did last year, which I believed was that he liked me. I told him 2 weeks ago that I had feelings for him and he told me he didn't feel the same and that he didn't even know that I felt that way about him. I told him it was alright and that I still wanted to be friends and he said he did too. Ever since that happened he has said maybe 5 words to me in total. I wound up adding an extra class which he happened to be in and he complete ignores me in that class. He walked right past me on my birthday this week and didn't even say hi or wish me happy birthday. Today we had a 3 hour class together and we sat next to each other and he never said one word to me. What am I supposed to do? I do still have feelings for him, but I am willing to overlook them so we can stay friends because that is more important to me than dating him. What can I say to him to make him go back to the way we were?
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (18 September 2008):
 Hey there,
Firstly - good on you for taking a risk, lots of people would not have taken a chance and been honest about what they were feeling for fear of rejection - you should be proud of yourself. I know now you are regretting doing it - because unfortunately things didn't go the way you'd hoped, but wouldn;t it be worse to still be wondering if his behaviour meant something more? At least now you know where you stand and at least now you can start to move forward from this.
In all honesty, I don;t think things can go back to how they were. This guys reaction is proof of that - he now wants to pull back so as to not give you the wrong message. It's a shame and must be pretty painful for you.
I think you either need to give him space and time...maybe he'll settle and relax around you again soon enough, but maybe he won;t either. You have no control over that.
Have you asked yourself how constructive it is for you to be around him when you still have feelings for him? I personally don;t know how you can think about moving on if you are around him and thinking of him all the time?
The other option you have is to try and have an open discussion with him about what's going on - tell him how important his friendship is to you and how confused you feel at his complete withdrawal from you. You will have to be prepared for him to possibly say be can't be your friend that's all...but you aren;t one to shy away from things are you!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (18 September 2008):
Hey there,
Firstly - good on you for taking a risk, lots of people would not have taken a chance and been honest about what they were feeling for fear of rejection - you should be proud of yourself. I know now you are regretting doing it - because unfortunately things didn't go the way you'd hoped, but wouldn;t it be worse to still be wondering if his behaviour meant something more? At least now you know where you stand and at least now you can start to move forward from this.
In all honesty, I don;t think things can go back to how they were. This guys reaction is proof of that - he now wants to pull back so as to not give you the wrong message. It's a shame and must be pretty painful for you.
I think
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