A
female
age
30-35,
*weetthing
writes:i'm not sure if i am over reacting or this is the sign for me to say bye to this guy.Hes 28, i'm 25, both from same country and same religion. we met of a matrimonial website.Cutting it short, we've been speaking for a short period of time, however we have met up. He planned everything, go karting-meal etc. We speak every day whilst i drive to work, lunch time and every day when i drive home.Nearly every day we talk about his work etc which is fine. But yesterday first time i spoke about me having a bad day. I explained what had happened in brief. his response was : its friday now , isn't the weather hot? This did upset me, i raised it with him and we argued first time ever. He got defensive etc but after he did say sorry . It just now i am thinking he may say he cares but does he really. He couldn't even be bothered to discuss my day further and i don't want to be with a selfish man.Same time, he does put effort in . It was a mistake but just feels a big one for me as that's me giving him trust to openup and he broke it. what's your views please?
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (26 April 2015):
 To end the relationship over just this one oversight on his part would be overreacting. He apologized, which is reasonable for a first-time mistake (a minor one in the great scheme of mistakes) and it is completely reasonable on his part to expect that you would forgive this small mistake and move on from it.
Now, if you start to see a PATTERN of empathy and interest in each other's lives being consistently one-sided, that would be an issue. Effort in any relationship has to come from both sides and if one person is ALWAYS giving 90% while the other routinely puts in 10%, the stage is set for the person making the effort to feel unappreciated. Meanwhile, the person who receives all the effort may start to take it for granted.
For the time being, though, I would let it go. Give him a chance to redeem himself by continuing to talk about YOUR day, too, and see if he makes more of an effort to be considerate. I'm betting he will.
Good luck and best wishes!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 April 2015):
 My guess is... hearing about a BAD day when you are trying to have an UPBEAT conversation is quite the downer.
When he talks work, does he complain? And you try and cheer him up? If so, then yes he is a tad selfish if he can't DO the same for you.
I think when you say "broken trust" is overreacting and being a little TOO dramatic.
You have ONLY been talking a "short period of time" so you REALLY do not know each other's personality THAT well YET. It takes time, and IT REQUIRES taking the time BEING together not just texting and phone chats.
He has to LEARN that you have certain needs (like talking about a good/bad day) and YOU have to learn that HE might have the same or OTHER needs. THAT is not something you can learn by texting each other daily.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 You are from the same culture yet you were surprised by his cold response, so that means it's not culture specific. You are right to get upset but by calling off this relationship because of this, is overreacting. You had thought, if he could talk about his day, why can't you too? It makes you feel your life and job are not important. You argued and he got defensive because he felt you were attacking his character when it could be that he's bad at reassuring people, continuing conversation, or he's not in the mood to hear negative things since it's the start of the weekend. If he wanted to lift your spirits he could do it in a way without dismissing your feelings. He could at first acknowledge what you feel, see if there's a solution to it, but not jump right to the weekend and the weather. He did not want to discuss your day further because it was already tension filled and he needed to pull away from strong emotions.
If one asks, when my partner feels bad do I have to feel bad too? This is not a cause and effect thing but when you are close to each other it's inevitable that you would feel your partner's emotions.
What I think in this case is that you have your goals of getting married, you both know it's serious but there hasn't been a strong connection developed for you both to have empathy. One can always say, "Oh poor thing I feel sorry for you" but to really mean it that needs either an angelic soul, or a deep love that's only established in time.
I think the difference between a matrimonial website and a dating website is that one can weed out people who are not serious, and that the walkway towards marriage is straightforward and it takes a shorter time. But it doesn't mean that you would feel like a couple right away without putting effort into knowing each other, and to find ways to communicate better.
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