A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Please help,My new husband is so lazy. We both work full time (together) and normally get on ok. We have been together for 7 years but only recently decided to marry. A couple of years ago we bought a small house that needed some work doing on it.. Unfortunatly a month after we got the house, I got breast cancer. We (I) got an insurance payout which is how we can afford to do the house. But he is not willing to lift a finger to help, and yet I wait on him all the time. He just lays on the sofa asleep most of the time, if he is not out drinking, and does nothing around the house. I really love him, but I feel I should not have bothered getting married. It really upsets me that he doesnt seem to care! If I cry he doesnt even put his arm round me! What can I do?Thank you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 I hate to nag but please make sure you see an immediate effort, helping with dishes, hoovering etc, while you are at work, its no good accepting an assurance from him that things will change in the future if you dont know how far into the future that will be. Good luck with it all!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for ll your answers. I have explained to him that I cannot go on like we are, and that if I am important to him he will have to get up and help more! Time will tell, and if he doesnt help..that will be it!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): Make him your lazy ex-husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 January 2012):
See a lawyer about how to get your money back from the house and then tell him what you have told us, that you feel you should not have bothered getting married and being unmarried is a more attractive proposition.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): I'm so sorry about your cancer.
was your always like this, or only after you got cancer?
It sounds like he could be having depression and maybe because it's his way of grieving your cancer diagnosis. I'm sorry that he's this way, it certainly is only making things worse for you.
I suggest you talk to him about his behavior, but don't make judgments on him or it will just make him defensive and shut you out. For example don't tell him he's lazy because he's always sleeping on the sofa. Just point out that he is always sleeping but without making a judgment call that it means he's lazy. tell him that you notice this is how he has been behaving and suggest that he see a doctor to see if he has depression which is a treatable condition. if he refuses, and continues to do nothing, then I'm afraid you have to accept that you're on your own and just focus on yourself and improving your health and managing your own emotions which should be your top priority, and not look to him for support.
...............................
|
