A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend and I were the oldest virgins we knew. Her at age 23 and me at age 24. We prized our innocence and were trying to wait for marriage, or at the very least a long-term committed and loving relationship. But, we recently lost our virginity within a week of each other (Go figure). Hers last week and mine this week (She told me after I told her). The difference is I'm in a serious committed relationship, where I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to propose. I know he has the ring already and started asking my parents. And she has been in love with the same boy since high school who is just ironically a good friend of mine as well. They started flirting with and somewhat dating about 2 1/2 years ago. Shortly, after they started, he went off to school in another part of the country. He rarely came home and when he did, they would hang out but, nothing serious (a few kisses here and there). Then, this past February, she flew down to see him, and things escalated but they didn't have full intercourse. Every time she saw him or did anything with him her feelings grew more and more. And though he cared for her, I never really thought he was in love with her at all. Which of course I told her nicely and we talked about it. But, this didn't curb her feelings. So, last week he came to visit home and you guessed it, she had sex with him. To her is was special and a way to show her love for him. He never pressured her, but he never pushed her away either. He left pretty much permanently as he has finished school and is preparing to move cross-country now. At first, she seemed at peace with her decision and stated that she didn't regret it. But, now a few days later, she is in full depression/heartbreak mode. I've always been there for her before but, my experience with sex is so very different than hers. My boyfriend and I made an informed decision and feel closer to each other and more confident in our relationship and our future plans to marry. I don't know what I can do for her, this always happens when he leaves but, this time is ten times worst understandably. What can I do when my best friend is in severe heartbreak mode? I feel horrible because I have no experience in her situation and don't know how to help her. What can I do? What should I do?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 August 2010):
A box of tissues, a comfortable shoulder, a good ear and patience That's all you need. It'll take a more than a few days for her to get over it. But that's really all you can do. You can't fix it for her. She has to do this herself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): You don't 'do' anything because there's nothing you can do. Let her talk without offering judgement or opinion unless she asks.
Just be there for her basically, take her out, spend time with her and be her shoulder to cry on.
This has been going on a long time and she still holds hope, she still let it continue and wanted have to have sex with him in a failed attempt to make him love her. She'll continue this way until she lets go. Seriously with something like this that's gone on so long, only she can fix it. There's nothing anyone else can do.
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