A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is long, but I hope I've made it easy to read!As I sit here typing away, I am crying; crying as so many do, over that one person who is more special to me than life itself. I know my problem is a common one, and doubtless one that is never happily resolved, but a small part of me simply cannot believe that life really is quite as devastating as it appears right now. There simply MUST be something I can do...I should stop waffling. I have known this girl since last September. We became instant friends, and over the next few months grew close to each other. We have so much in common. Not little things like liking the same bands, but are similar in a much more profound way - you know when you meet someone new, but somehow feel that they have been there all your life, a part of you? That's me and her. There is no getting around the fact that she is very shy, especially when it comes to romance. I hinted at liking her after only a couple of months of knowing her and it scared her away for a while. Then out of the blue she started talking to me again and wanting to hang out with me. We have rebuilt out friendship, but I still love her. She is so sweet and happy and innocent and full of life. She is honest with herself, dedicated to her studies, and takes so much pleasure in the tiniest things. She is the most beautiful creature that ever walked the earth, even wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and I care for her so very much. I have even been teased by my guy friends about hanging out with her (most people just think she is wierd), but somehow that just made me proud of her...Ugh, waffling again. The thing is, she can't have forgotten that I think of her as more than a friend, yet she acts as though she has. But she is hard to read, so if she did like me, there is no way she would let me know, so it is up to me. And there's another snag... my competitor. It is my understanding that she has turned him down several time already, but he keeps hanging around with her, flirting with her and spending time with her - and I happen to know writes on his fb wall about how depressed he is over her. In theory it's no competition, I know her better, I'm at least as clever as she is (which is very), I dress nicely, whereas he is a bit of a slob and is likely to fail his exams. But it seems that he presents that kind of loveable rogue type figure. He flirts and jokes around with her loads, and makes her laugh, but she still turns him down. Yet she also hangs around with him a lot - I don't understand this!Recently, we have been spending time alone together after school (she has to wait to be picked up) and we talk a lot... well, she talks a lot, telling me all about herself. But something happened today, I don't know what, she just seemed less chatty, and a bit awkward. I don't think there's much more to say.I really feel something has to happen but I don't know what to do or say.(Also, how can I flirt with her. I've never been able to do this or know what to do, so I'm really not used to this kind of thing)
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female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 My fiance and I started the exact same way...He and I met at a very awkward time in my life. I had just ended a serious relationship (my first), and while I wasn't sad about it in any way, it made me very weary to try and start something up again that I thought might become serious. Along comes Guy A. He and I met just before my ex moved out (we had been broken up about six months prior to that). I became infatuated with him and almost obsessed because I knew he didn't need me. We hung out a lot, he made me laugh, we had a bit in common, but that was about it. I went above and beyond for this guy but never got anything back, which is why I kept trying so hard. He never even admitted to us dating.Then, along came Guy B (my future, at the time, fiance). He met me through Guy A, as they had gone to highschool together and still played soccer together. We weren't by any means introduced by Guy A, but we met through their soccer games. I would often hang out with the entire soccer team after the games ended just to spend more time with Guy A. In the meantime, Guy B became interested in me. He flirted lightly at first, then added me on MySpace to try to get to know me better. From there, he got my number, and we began hanging out more and more. Within about a month and a half, he had made it clear to me that he was interested. I, on the other hand, was still unsure of starting anything. I blew him off numerous times, claiming that I wasn't ready for a relationship (which I wasn't).Things with Guy A soon ended. In comes Guy C, who had also just gotten out of a serious relationship. I knew things wouldn't last with him, but I pursued him anyway. All the while, Guy B was still patiently waiting for me, always being a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to talk to, but never more. During this time, his feelings for me became much more intense. He was then the one going above and beyond for me, but I didn't reciprocate, and it probably seemed as though I didn't care.Things with Guy C ended within about two weeks. At the end of November 2008, Guy B and I had a HUGE falling out. We didn't speak for about a month. In January 2009, we resumed contact. We went to a movie and then out for coffee. He asked me out one more time, and when I rejected him yet again, he told me that we were through. He said that he couldn't deal with just being my friend anymore, and that he needed time away from me. I agreed, and was almost relieved to have the pressure taken off. During the week that we didn't speak, I missed him a lot, and realized that if I didn't give it a shot, I might just lose him forever, even if just as a friend. I called him and asked him out. Within a week of dating, I said I Love You. Within a month of dating, I lost my virginity to him. A year and a half later, we were engaged. Now, we're planning on being married by the end of this year.Sorry if that was long and unnecessary, but I'm just trying to let you know that, if you really want a girl as more than a friend, then you have to let your feelings be known. If she rejects you and STILL wants to be just friends, then you have to be the one to say that you won't do it. If you settle for being just her friend, then she'll be okay with keeping you there. I never would have given my fiance a chance if he didn't let me know that his love for me was so intense that it overshadowed his want of a friendship with me. We are the most happy couple ever, and he truly does complete me in every way. Flirting with your friend is a good start, but EVERY guy is going to flirt with her if they think she's cute. Be different. Let her know that you care about her beyond anything you've ever cared for before. Let her know that no one could ever care about her as much as you could. Just a thought. Good luck =)
A
male
reader, Cinndy +, writes (13 May 2011):
well my friend as you say stop waffling and tell that girl what you feel for her, show her how important she is for you. you'll never know what she feels for you if you 2 don't talk about and keep evading it, i know its very dificult but just have to find the way to do it before someone else does it first!that girl is for you!
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