A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. I've been with my bf for almost 5 years. Our relationship was great before. But I've made mistakes by taking him for granted and not appreciating what hed done before also rejecting his marriage proposal. I also been controlling so that he hides several things from me to avoid problems and he feels so trap. He's also the one who apologize when we argue, whether its my or his mistake. I know that's crucial mistakes that I've made and I really regret it deeply. He's a wonderful man, his patience, maturity, and everyone can feel his love for me is so deep and true. But I broke it all. That's my mistake and I regret and want to changed myself to be better person for him.We are back again and now he's acting weird. We are like "rubber band", push and pull. When I contacting him, he's like pulling away and show no interest in me,but when I don't contact him and ignore his text, he keep asking about me. So do I. I don't want to feeds his ego by keep contacting him, but I also afraid that he could see another woman if he's tired of this. We also doesn't has topic and doesn't know what to do when we met, I think we are into boredom state.Before, he's not kind of man who cares about his appearance, dress casually. But now he bought new watch jeans and wear accesory. When I asked him, where's my gift?( He just went back from abroad and bought new watch etc) he said nothing, I don't have money anymore ( which is so untrue). Personally, I don't wish to get things from him, but he's always bought me something if he goes somewhere, that show his cared for me. He often said he doesn't has money and broke when we dates ( before he's not like this). I think he doubts about my feelings for him and doesn't want to spend much money and times for me anymore. I'm afraid he seeing other. People say, when man change his apperance and push and pull with his partner there's someone else? Is that true? But he still cares what happen going on with me, altough he seems doesn't want to show that. He still brings me to doctor to check up. But whenever we argue, he's so tired and want a break up (before he didn't said breakup when we argue)What can I do to stop the push and pull from him? How to get out from the boredom state? I'm afraid to lose him. But I know if I keep pursuing him to meet and text, he's feeling annoyed or maybe that feeds his ego? Could he be like before? He's kind to me for almost 4 years, could he be like this permanently or its just matter of time soon he will be back like he used to? Is it possible he can love me like before? What should I do? Anyone get through this? Please give me advice... Thanks
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female
reader, missy_25  +, writes (12 November 2014):
I think you either need to have a straight talk to him about these issues. List it down so you won't forget. Just have a "mature" conversation and face the consequences. No blaming, no screaming, just two solid characters so you can have a plan. Personally, I think you're in an unhealthy relationship. I've been through somewhat a similar path. There is nothing wrong with him but there was always something missing and not right about our relationship. Have the courage to end it don't waste a few more years of uncertain happiness. This will open doors for you for a more healthy, well-deserved loving relationship. I think you and him need a fresh start together, if he wants to invest in this relationship as much as you do, then don't let go. But if you both are uncertain, just end it.Whatever you decide, make sure you choose the one will less regret years from now.
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