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female
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anonymous
writes: Should I feel guilty? We are having our school prom soon and the other night me and another friend were sorting out limo arrangements to take us there. Out of all our group we were the only 2 making any effort. I was also talking to my best friend online and she's been adamant she was not going at all until that day and I was pratically going on my own. When I started talking about it with her she told me to change the subject as she was sick of hearing it. We could only find a limo to get us back and so my friend offered to take me there in her dads' classic car along with her brother. My mum then booked me in with my cousin (who's a hairdresser) to do my hair and make up. A few hours lated my best friend texted me and asked if, on the day of the prom, I wanted to go to hers and get ready there and leave for the prom. I then had to explain to her that I'd already made arrangements and quite rightly so she got 'mad' at me. I know I should have thought of her first and I'm considering letting my other friend down (yet again) just so that she is not mad me, but I can't help thinking about all the other times she has chosen her other friend over me. For example it is usually me who ends up siiting by myself on the train and when we go out with the people I am friendly with. She is very cold towards them. What should I do? Go along with the plans I have already made or change them to make her happy?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Your friend is a spoilt little madam who enjoys controlling others and getting he rown way. Do not give in to her, but tell her she can join you (if you want tis) as you have already made plans. Do not give in to tantrums, your frined who you have now made arrangements with is more important as she has not let you down.
Go with the faithful friend and tell the other she can tag along if she wishes. It will teach her a lesson not to take you for granted anymore. So stand up for yourself.....
A
female
reader, ladybaby +, writes (6 March 2006):
Please just read you 4th paragraph fro me again. Here you have a friend that demands having her own way, is rude to your other friends and buggers off the first opportunity she can when a "better" alternative arrives, or someone who, even though you are thinking of "dumping on", although it sounded you both were really looking forward to the prom together and had put in a lot of time and effort in organising a memorable night!. Miss "Me Me Me" needs a reality check, go with your original plans, tell her she is more than welcome to come along to the prom with you, but you are sticking to your original plans and involve her in the plans, but if she gets in a strop, stick to your guns and have a fantastic night with this other girl - it's your night - enjoy it!
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reader, jo_betty_smith +, writes (5 March 2006):
 It sounds a little bit like your best friend might have a tendency to sulk a little whenever she doesn't get her own way. Whilst it can be upsetting and awkward for you when she does this, if you always change your plans to please her you can end up being walked over all the time. Sometimes it's better to bite the bullet and face the occasional confrontation with her until she realises that things can't go her way every single time. Everyone has to make compromises somewhere along the way.
If it were me, I would just be honest with my best friend. After all, she had been saying that she didn't want to go to the prom, and you were worried about having to go on your own and so made alternative arrangements, which you were perfectly entitled to do. So, tell her that you didn't think she was going to come and now that you've got other arrangements in place you don't want to let your other friend down. See if you can come up with any other suggestions, like offering a lift to your best friend too, or arranging to meet her at a specific time and place so that you can all go in together. At least that way it shows that you are making the effort to accommodate her and that might calm her down and make sure she doesn't get too worked up about the situation.
If it's fairly common for her to change her mind like she has done, perhaps it'd be a good idea for you to make a little bit of extra effort to keep her placated in any other similar situations. For example, a text like "My friend has just offered me a lift to the prom. Unless you've changed your mind about going, are you ok if I go with her?" before you'd put the other arrangement in place for definite would mean that your best friend could have no complaints about you sorting out arrangements without her.
Hope it all works out well and have a nice prom!
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