A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:what actions do i need to take?because I have been dating an older man that has grown married kids that have rotten marriages, have never grown up, can't get past the past and always wants their dad to be with them and he always has to sugar coat anything that he says to them about us because he does not want to upset them. they have told him that he can have his life with me and then his life with them but they will not have anything to do with me and him together. i feel that this is the reason that we are not engaged and married because they can't let da-da have his own life. they basically are social retards...they have very few friends and do not know how to mingle with people. this man is very co-dependent and is very dysfunctionl and this is the way they were raised. i realize that the dysfunction began with him and his deceased wife and he now enables them to treat me this way. i told him that he needs to tell them that if they love him so much then they will stop treating me like they do and if they don't stop then they must not love and respect him. he broke up with me in july of last year.......to this day i still say that they forced him to do it. he denies it but i know better. they are very controlling people and hard people. just a minute ago he left to be at their house for a cook out for labor day and of course i couldn't go. i stay at his house with him and it is just really hard and upsetting to see him leave without me knowing that he is doing just what they want him to do. my family always invites and includes him whenever we do something, so therefore he does not know how it feels to not be included. we have been dating for three years and nine months other than the 7 weeks we were broke up over a year ago. he is very good to me but it is hard for me to deal with his kids not wanting to include me. i think that they are acting this way so that hopefully it will cause us to have problems in our relationship so that we will break up and they will win. what can i do that will make this man stand up to them? please help and thank you so much for any suggestions.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 January 2009):
I don't think you can make him stand up to him.
You tried it once before and he chose them over you and broke up with you.
It really does not sound like he is going to change. It's stupid and he's a weak man, and one day he'll realise what he has thrown away. But that is not your problem.
Either accept that you are always going to be second in his life to his children due to the fact he's not enough of a man to stand up to them... or find someone with a mind and will of his own.
If I were you I'd give him the best weekend ever and make love to him and pamper him and really show him the best of everything... and then at the end of it tell him that this was a goodbye. That since he is never going to be the man you want then you are going to end it and find someone to treat you as you deserve.
It will be a bit of a slap in the face to him but it might be the shock he needs to actually realise what he is risking losing.
Good Luck!! xx
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