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anonymous
writes: I want to know how can I try to be nice to my wife, if I lost my sex drive and that causing lots of problems, because no desire, no erection.Now she is very upset at me, and I want to know if she is right to be angry? She said she lost her confidence because of me, she thinks she is ugly and worthless. Well I don't think that, but something did happen to me a few years ago, what, I don't have any idea what, and it changed me.. I did go to doctors, but they said I was healthy and it is most likely a mind over body thing.She says I never look at her with desire and make her feel beautiful. Sure I don't look for sex. So what can I do to make her feel better and not make her think all these bad things?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): This is a tricky situation, I have been there. Arguing about sex only makes it that less of a desirable thing to do. I don't agree with bringing pornography into the situation because when you become aroused, your wife will only have her fears confirmed that, yes, you can be aroused, but not by her.
Have you tried viagra? Do you have nocturnal erections? Have you had your tetosteroene levels checked? Do you have high blood pressure? Are you on any medications that can cause this? Have you had your prostate checked? This would help in figuring out if your equipment is ok.
The best thing you can do to assure her you desire an active sex life with her, is that you try to 'fix' the situation.
Your wife needs 'action', no pun intended, by this I mean..a plan that you work on together that could lead to a happy ending. Make the first priority of this plan, putting back positive feelings between the two of you. Plan dates with her, touch her, kiss her......all non-sexual. It is important for her to know that this will be non-sexual so she will not be dissapointed when nothing 'happens'.
When you heal the hurt feelings, you can progress to sexual touch, without intercourse. Doing these things will let her know you care, and take the pressure off of you to 'perform'.
Be sure to complement her if she gets a haircut, a new outfit, fixes you a nice dinner, etc. You need to tell her "I love you" when you feel it, don't just think it.
Try some of these things and let us know how it's going..then we can talk about 'having sex' :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): Sorry about that last post. Obviously you think your wife is beautiful. If you lost your sex drive I take it you are not going to be wanting anyone sexually anytime soon.
So I was saying sorry about asking you if you are sexually attracted to her. Just because you lost your drive doesn't mean that it's her you don't want. You just don't want sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): She seems like she was insecure to begin with. She needs to develop confidence from within herself, and not from you.
Are you sexually attracted to your wife, though?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): Well have you tried medicines like Viagra? Or maybe you guys could just try something new and different in the bedroom. Like go to an Adult store and check out the toys together and see if anything peaks your interest, so to speak. Or go to a bar or a nightclub seperately and role play that you dont each other. Then end up taking a girl you met at the bar home with you (even tho its really your wife). Roleplaying can be very fun and exciting actually. I dont know if that would make problems worse, make her think you have to pretend shes someone else to be intimate. Maybe just sit down with her and explain that you want to try different things with her. Tell her to help you find something that excites you. Maybe if you make this a problem to solve together it will bring you closer to her and will boost her self-esteem. Afterall if she doesnt FEEL sexy shes not going to ACT sexy and in turn you wont be turned on by a woman who feels so low about herself.
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