A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone i recently moved in with my boyfriend and I am finding it extremely hard work.He is very argumentative. The least little thing i do sets him off. He is always having a go at me i feel like im walking on eggshells all of the time.What can i do to make it easier for us both to adjust to living together?I love him and really want this to work any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated.I also have a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is struggling with coping with my 3 year old. Also i think i may be pregnantThank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): "What can i do to make it easier for us both to adjust to living together?"
Nothing.
"I love him and really want this to work any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated.
You are asking the impossible.
"I also have a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is struggling with coping with my 3 year old."
You should love your daughter more than any guy you sleep with. You have brought a three-year-old into a toxic and potentially abusive situation, putting her at risk of harm at the hands of an unrelated adult who is a narcissistic hot-headed bully. If you don't have enough common sense to do what's best for your child and immediately remove her from potential danger, then where is her father?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Get a grip of your life. You are in a relationship that, by all counts, is damaging to you and your child. Also, does he want this pregnancy, being bounced into fatherhood could set him on a further abusive phase. You have to think of your child first. Living with this sort of relationship going on is no good for a child, seeing you being wary for fear of his anger or irritation. You ask for 'tips' to help, at its heart the relationship should work naturally, not made to work. Don't get trapped in a situation that is no good for you, think of an exit strategy should things not improve. Forget 'love' - it works both ways you know and he's not showing that.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (30 January 2013):
Perhaps you should think about making sure your relationship is working PRIOR to having children with him.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Hi
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-was-excited-about-the-pregnancy-at-first45.html
Is this question yours as well? If so he has told you to move out once already and your still wondering how to make it easier for HIM.
The clue is he struggles dealing with your 3yr old daughter and you THINK you may be pregnant again,it all sounds like a bad situation
Get a pregnancy test then see about alternate accomodation
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): "He is very argumentative. The least little thing i do sets him off. He is always having a go at me i feel like im walking on eggshells all of the time.""I also have a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is struggling with coping with my 3 year old." A responsible parent would never allow an urelated adult unrestricted access to a child, yet you're wondering how you can successfully live with a guy who has a hair-trigger temper and is struggling to cope with a three-year-old. Not only are you at risk of being physically abused, but your daughter is at even greater risk. A disproportionate number of incidents of child abuse, particularly fatal ones, occur at the hands of the mother's live-in boyfriend. And how do you know he isn't a pedophile who played up to you in order to get to her? You could be putting your daughter's safety, physical health and emotional well being at risk by blindly putting your love life ahead of her best interests.And now you think you might be pregnant with another child? I feel so bad for your daughter, her bio-father apparently out of the picture and now you could now be bringing a half-sibling by an almost stranger who could be sociopathic, into an already transient, tenuous, volatile, potentially abusive living situation.Only one solution: get out immediately even if that means going to a shelter. Assuming you won't, then at least send your daughter to live with relatives. Assuming you won't, then NEVER leave her alone with him, not even for a second.I can only suggest you seek counselling as I suspect you must be carrying a lot of baggage from your own unhealthy childhood to be making such disastrous life choices while remaining so oblivious to the potential consequences.At the very least talk to a trained professional and neutral third-party about your situation. That would ensure that there is a responsible person involved who is aware of your daughter's plight and in a position to notify Child Protective Services when needed, hopefully before the child suffers any grievous harm.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Tisha-1:'What you've just written sounds like the start of an abusive relationship to me. "Walking on eggshells" "what can I do to make it easier"'
Have to agree with this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): It takes 2 years for a family that has just started to adjust to each other and their needs.In saying the above you should never feel like you have to walk around on eggshells. What are you teaching your daughter? She needs to have a loving supporting home and a male role model to look up to. Not a male figure who is setting the tone of the house. Any child deserves more than that. She can not speak her mind and as her mother you hold your daughters future of well being in your hands. Use it wisely. Your daughter is the one I feel the strongly about. You need to have a serious conversation and things MUST change or find a new loving, warm and supportive home for your daughter.As for being pregnant, does he know? Was this planned? Was this something you both wanted? How stressful is it to bring another child into the mix and an unbalanced home. Children are our resource and our future. Please respect their rights. Please don't take my words as being harsh. I am being supportive but who will speak for your child(ren)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 January 2013):
 What you've just written sounds like the start of an abusive relationship to me. "Walking on eggshells" "what can I do to make it easier"
A pregnancy test will tell you if you are pregnant. Have you taken one?
You should rethink the entire cohabitation immediately. If he cannot cope with living with a 3 year old and is making you walk on eggshells to the point that you write in to find out how YOU can change, then it's clear he's not the right man for you at this time.
Get out ASAP.
I know you love him but this is NOT healthy for you or your child, and your daughter should be your top priority.
If he loves you back, in a healthy way, he will work to change. If he does not, then he is a poor choice, sorry to be so blunt.
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
http://www.womensaid.org.uk can provide some practical help for you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (30 January 2013):
"He is very argumentative. The least little thing i do sets him off. He is always having a go at me i feel like im walking on eggshells all of the time."
Doesn't sound like he's a good boyfriend at all. Do you honestly want to spend the next 40 years listening to this guy and walking on eggshells? You'd go mad!
You can't take ALL the responsibility here. What can he do to make it easier too? I'm sure it's not all your fault. Is he perfect?
What are these "little things" that set him off? I'd have to know a little more than that to comment properly to be honest.
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