A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I make him like me again?I had been seeing this guy for a couple of months and things were going well. We have known each other for a very long time and there had always been a mutual attraction between us so when we finally got together it seemed right.However, out of the blue he told me that he was concerned we were starting a serious relationship and that he didn’t want to go down that line because he has a history of bad relationships that have put him off trying again. He told me he really liked me but when I suggested that we could have a “friends with benefits” thing he said it would complicate things as there are feelings involved.We agreed to be just friends although a couple of weeks later we bumped into each other randomly on a night out and I ended up going back to his house. The next morning he was quite distressed that we had broken our agreement to just be friends. I tried to reassure him that it was ok but I think I made things worse by saying that casual sex was ok.There was no contact between us for a couple of months after this morning but in the past couple of weeks I have bumped into him a few times. Each time I have just said “hi” and we’ve shared pleasantries but I have tried really hard to keep my distance and to be cool as I don’t want him to think I am pressurising him in any way.This weekend I had a house warming party. I had invited him along and he said he couldn’t make it, which was fine. Unfortunately a friend of mine texted him using my phone that night and suggested he came round after the party finishes. The wording of the text said “You are boring. Come over after x”.I found this a couple of hours later and I was devastated as I believe this will lead him to think I had completely ignored his wishes not to pursue anything casual with me. I panicked and text him again to say that the text had not been meant for him (I think the wording is ambiguous enough to get away with it?) I’m just really concerned that any hope of us being friends again has diminished because of this and that he is thinking I am only interested in him for one thing when all I really want is for us to be friends. Is there anything I can do to reassure him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you xx.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 October 2008):
I'm going to give you the same advice again.
You clearly don't just want friendship. You want to be closer than that.
Back off and leave him alone. You keep chasing him and he's probably just saying "um yeah whatever I'm not [insert everything you say here]" because he's too anal to give real answers.
Let him go and do what ever it is he does. If he wants to be friends he'll call. If not it's his loss.
You can't save everyone. This guy sounds like he's riddled with issues and insecurities and is just not worth all this effort and worry.
There are plenty of guys out there who are willing to do things like - gosh! - go on dates and get to know you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
I wonder if you can help me again please? I didn't take your advice and regret it now. I tackled him on why he didn't come to my party and accused him of not coming because he was scred that I would make a move on him or get the wrong idea. He said "I'm not scared". I then went on to explaint hat the text was not meant for him and that it did not imply he should come round to my place after the party. He said "I did not think that". I'm so confused. Is he telling the truth? Is there any chance we could still be friends. I have told him that all I want from him his friendship.
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 October 2008):
I think you need to chill out and stop over analysing things. It was a late night text... he is not going to judge you on this.
The guy obviously has issues of his own if he is too terrified to date a woman that he clearly likes.
If you freak out and he realises how much he's got you walking on egg shells he's going to feel worse and it will make him worse.
Leave him alone to sit in a dark room alone and stop worrying about him. If he wants to be lonely and pathetic and risk losing you then it's his problem, not yours.
Good Luck!! xx
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