A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I find it extremely difficult to become aroused from manual stimulation, whether it's by myself or by my boyfriend. So I purchased a rampant rabbit which is wonderful - but the only downside is I don't like the penis part (it's too hard), so I came up with what I thought was a brilliant idea. I asked my boyfriend if we could have sex in a way that involved him penetrating me while I used the rabbit part of the vibrator on my clit - best of both worlds right? He said no!!! I asked him why, and he said that he wasn't comfortable with the idea. I became really angry and upset because it's not like he had to do anything special or different, let alone difficult! I told him I was sick to death of him getting all the pleasure and me getting nothing in return. I don't feel like he cares about my sexual needs.But there is also the chance that he genuinely feels uncomfortable with it. I know he desperately wants me to feel pleasure from oral/fingering/etc... I have accepted the fact that is never going to happen, and that I should stick to what I know works for me, right? But apparently he hasn't given up on trying to "fix" me. I think he feels like a failure because he can't get me to climax "by himself".So what can I do to make him comfortable with me using a vibrator during sex? I am at my wits end here! At the moment he is using the excuse that I shouldn't pressure him because he didn't pressure me into having sex with him in the first place (I held out on sex for a full year when I first met him). He has a valid point, but is he just using this as a way of getting out of doing what I want to do?
View related questions:
vibrator Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked to him more about it, but it doesn't look like he'll be changing his mind anytime soon. In the meantime though, I am withholding sex, because it's about damn time I got some pleasure for myself and it's his problem if he can't accommodate that! Using my fingers during intercourse does nothing for me, I've tried, so no use there. Thanks for giving me the confidence I needed to stand up for myself about this. I needed someone to validate I was right!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): NO, he doesn't have a valid point at all.
It's not your fault you need a vibrator to orgasm, in fact it's more of a hindrence to you than it is him and it's not something you can change no matter how much you wish you could.
You need to explain to him that it's nothing to do with his sexual prowess, that all women need different things to get off. My girlfriend instance is a clit stim girl, she enjoys penetration but she doesn't orgasm from it, only manual or oral stimulation of her clitoris works for her, therefore I am only too delighted to incorporate both those activities into every sex session.
I mean come on, if you can't open a locked door, you use a key. If you can't unscrew a bolt with your hand you use a wrench, does that make you any less of a man?
In my opinion he needs to grow up and realise that your vibrator is merely a tool, that the pleasure you get comes from him using it and for him to deny you that pleasure is inexcusable. You're not broken, he doesn't need to fix you. His reaction to this is the thing that should be damaging his ego not the fact that you need a vibe to orgasm.
...............................
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (3 July 2009):
 The simple answer is that you probably can't. Your boyfriend is very young and still a little insecure. He thinks that it is his 'right' to be the one person in the world to give you an orgasm, and the fact that you want to use a vibrator at all is like you are telling him that he is a bad lover. You may need to practice some more on your own, using your fingers on your clitoris. If the rabbit ears work, I'm fairly sure that your fingers can do the same job.
Then, during sex, instead of using Mr Rampant, use your fingers. If he complains, then he is double insecure, but I think the sight of your hand in rapid frenzied motion would be ok and less threatening for him.
Give it a try, and let us know if you succeed in getting him to accept the way your body works.
...............................
|
