A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I split from my ex partner 7 years ago after she had an affair.We have three children 12,11 and 9.i have now been married to a wonderful caring woman for the last 2 years(5years in total) she has an 11 year old daughter with no contact with her father and we have a 2 year old son together.My problem is my ex is still trying to dictate to me even though she has recently got married herself.She tells the children lies about me,she even told them that it was me who had the affair.i rise above it all due to the fact i will not stoop to her level. recently the behaviour of my 11 and 9 year old boys has become out of control eg. disrespectful,swearing,running off. it got so bad one day i had to restrain my 11 year old from jumping out of the bedroom window. i discussed the issue with my ex who felt we should have counselling which i agreed to. i heard nothing for a few weeks then out of the blue i was asked to attend the police station with allegations of assault not only on my 11 year old son but my 9 year old as well. as you can imagine both myself and my wife were mortified.since then my 12 year old has maintained regular contact with me, but recently my 9 year old now wants to regain contact.(the 11 year old still doesnt want to). my wife is at wits end and feels like walking out because having my 11 and 9 year old in the house is setting a bad example to the other children but i feel i cannot turn my back on my children because i believe they are being influenced and brainwashed by my ex.what can i do to keep everyone happy?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Marriedtwokids +, writes (9 July 2008):
First things first - get yourself a good lawyer, and I mean a really good lawyer, because the worst case scenario is that this is the start of a campaign to squeeze you out of your children's life using these kind of accusations.
Sorry to sound like the voice of doom.
A
male
reader, surfer27 +, writes (7 July 2008):
thank you for the quick response.we have tried mediation about 4 years ago and everything was fine until my ex could not get her own way. it just feels like she is only happy when she is in control.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 July 2008):
Meet your 9 yearold out and during the day only. Go out into town with him or to the park. This will keep your wife happy and also let your 9 yearold regain your trust.
Tell him you were very hurt by his allegation to the police and that he upset his wife. He has to understand his actions have consequences.
The 12 yearold can stay over at your house as it will be good to spend some quality time with you alone anyway and is more likely to understand his mother being bitter about your break up.
Keep pushing for family councilling with your ex and all 3 kids. The kids are obviously being messed up by this and it's your duty as their father to help them through to grow up right.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Vow, you have some serious problems to deal with here; I do not think that on this site we can really assist you more then to give you the encouragement to get professional help;
I suggest you have to take your childrend back for more counselling; if circumstances with there mother are not good, maybe even get the help of a Social worker;
BUT
I suggest that you and your present wife must go for counselling; it is clear that the strain is taking it's toll on your relationship; sure, I understand that she is worried and that you are in the middle;
THere is really only one solution: PROFESIONAL HELP
There is no easy solution, you have lots at people and feelings at risk;
PLEASE, get help, before it is to late;
Best wishes. Do what is best for all of you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Vow, you have some serious problems to deal with here; I do not think that on this site we can really assist you more then to give you the encouragement to get professional help;
I suggest you have to take your childrend back for more counselling; if circumstances with there mother are not good, maybe even get the help of a Social worker;
BUT
I suggest that you and your present wife must go for counselling; it is clear that the strain is taking it's toll on your relationship; sure, I understand that she is worried and that you are in the middle;
THere is really only one solution: PROFESIONAL HELP
There is no easy solution, you have lots at people and feelings at risk;
PLEASE, get help, before it is to late;
Best wishes. Do what is best for all of you!
...............................
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