A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband have been fighting. We have 2 kids and have been married for almost 6 months; but have been together for 2 years. The other day we got into a big fight and it quickly escalated to us yelling, he accidentally pushed me down when he tried to help me up I told him to get away from me, that made him mad so he pinned me down and started yelling at me to listen to him. I hate being pinned down so I was fighting back, trying to get out from under him. He is a great guy and never hurt me before that night but I had been with a guy that was abusive and dont want that to happen again and with my abusive ex things started with little stuff like that and got worse and worse until it was unmanageable. I love him and he loves me and we have considered seeing a therapist but are unsure.What can I do to help our relationship and get past this? Should I forgive him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not taking this lightly at all. I dont want a divorce and neither does he but just like i told him if it happens again its over, I will leave. And we are going to therapy. He knows what I have dealt with in the past with my ex and knows I wont do it again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not taking this lightly at all. I dont want a divorce and neither does he but just like i told him if it happens again its over, I will leave. And we are going to therapy. He knows what I have dealt with in the past with my ex and knows I wont do it again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): this is not a good sign. it's not just you two who need a therapist but he also needs to go on his own individually.
Don't make excuses for him just because you love him. Love is not violent and love does not condone violence.
you need to hold him accountable for his abusive behavior. Yes what he did to you IS abusive.
And you need to draw a firm line in the sand that if crossed means you are out of this relationship FOR GOOD. and to not compromise on it. failure to do this results in years or decades of dithering and confusion and misery.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I agree with Jinxx, you've been through this before, and said yourself that these little things are how it all started. Do not make excuses for his behavior, because that puts you in denial of what is really happening.
If you and your husband can't argue without him laying hands on you, that is a HUGE problem, and making excuses for it will only cause it to escalate.
Tell your husband you are not going to tolerate him laying hands on you like that, again. Make it clear to him that if he ever does it again, you're out the door. I also think at this point, therapy is a really good idea.
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A
male
reader, I love TDG +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Forgive him this one time. If he does it again, leave him. You seem like a smart girl saying you know how an abusive relationship starts, and make sure it won't happen again.
I think therapy or a marriage counselor would help you guys out a lot. Give it a try. If you don't like it, no one is forcing you to keep going.
By the way, are you sure he pushed you by accident?
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Look, I've never been in a physically abusive relationship myself, but you have, and you said yourself this is how it starts.
I can't help but wonder if this happens again, will you make the same excuses for him? Because the truth is, there isn't an excuse. I've been in fights with many of my boyfriends that got pretty heated, and not one of them laid a hand on me before, during, or after. Not even "accidentally."
If this is a one-off, and I REALLY hope it is, you should try therapy. You should try whatever you feel you need to try to make sure that this never happens again.
If it does, do yourself and your children a favor by leaving him!
Good luck...
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