A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This question may take a long time so please do not read it if you have a short attention span! I am not too sure where to start but here goes ...My mum had me when she was 16, my dad was 18 and he didn't want anything to do with me, she then had to leave school and we lived together on very little money, by this time he had a new girlfriend. I am quite a complex person, people say I am exceedingly mature/advanced for my age, I am also very outspoken, and I am autistic, dyslexic and have severe OCD. I have also been bullied and oesterised (???)for most of my life. I have a very odd sense of style and I am also a scrict vegetarian. All this, in my dad and his girlfriend's eyes, equals me being very 'troublesome' or difficult, so they alledgedly feel the need to 'fix' the problem (me). Therefore we have a very turbulent relationship.Recently, I have overcome what was a very difficult time for me, I have started at a wonderful college and can see things more possitively.My dad's girlfriend is very frigthening and abusive and because my dad is very weak he cannot stand up to her, something that really upsets me. However I do not see them alot. This is partly because I live in London while they live in Manchester and partially because about 4 years ago we had a massive dispute and I refused to see him again. Not long ago I decided to get back in touch and so my dad and his girlfriend (he cannot go anywhere without her!) came down to London and spent time with me. I thought maybe now that I am no longer a child she respects me? So I will give her a chance?I then agreed, stupidly now I think about it, to travel up to Manchester and stay overnight with them. I thought that if it all went wrong I could leave at any time and that won't be a problem? But, of course, it is.First I am going to tell you something else. My dad's girlfriend has a younger brother who is now 22. I have met him many times before now and used to have a bit of a 'crush' on him when I was much younger, and generally behaved quite ridiculously as you do, and even though I have not seen him for more than 5 years I was quite excited about it. I was not dissapointed and we got on brilliantly so I ended up spending the entire day with her brother talking/eating/playing computer games and suchlike and find and we have alot in common now that we are both older. He is also vegetarian and eats the same food as me, we have the same interests/phobias and he has gone through alot of the same thing that I have. Also stupid things like his starsign and him being left handed (I am very supersticious) and I often come to erractic desicions so I decided we are 'meant to be' together (bear in mind my last 'boyfriend' was my married art teacher, a whole other story!, so I spend my time flirting outrageously with her brother including lots of sexually implicit comments and he is responsive. I forgot to ask for his phone number also he tells me he prefers to talk on the phone than text, perhaps implying he would have liked to? He did tell me that he is on Facebook and so am I? Also he lives in Spain?Anyway back to my dad's girlfriend, she does not like her brother who is currently staying with them also, and says that we are both 'spoiled and argumentative, 'nutbags'. She quickly became very abusive and threatening, personly insulting myself and my family and bringing back awful memories, telling me was a horrible person I am. She was on the other hand patronising and treated me as if I were a small child, making lists of activities we could do and buying foods I liked 'so I wouldn't throw a tantrum'. I am now a complete emotional wreck although I am back now, I am a very vunerable person I will not go into details about what she did but I no longer outgoing instead I am constantly nervous? She has brought back the terrified little girl I once was.If you are still reading this then I would like to ask some questions:Should I contact my dad's girlfriend's brother? How should I go about it? Also is it legally/morally wrong to have a relationship with him?How can I maintain a relationship with my dad without her infererence? Also I am still bitter and angry that he did not stand up for me nor has he apologised?What can I do to help myself in the short-term? I have lost all self-respect and feel emotionally violated?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, I'mheretohelpyou  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Call him!!!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Hi, I'll apologise firstly as i dont hae a lot of time just now to give you an in depth answer...
You do seem quite mature and clearly a straight thinking girl. I'm also surprised to hear you are dyslexic having read your question.
I dont think there is anything morally wrong with contacting your dads girlfriends son at all. He is not a blood relation of yours. Thats my thought anyway.
If I were you I would phone him, Chat, meet up and spend some time together. Take thinks easy and see what happens...
good luck..
will try and answer again later..
J
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Hi Hunny
You are an AMAZING YOUNG WOMAN!!!!!Thats the first thing I wish to get across to you...You have grown up in very difficult circumstances, With not only one major hitch in life but many... autistic, dyslexic, and OCD First to be born with autisum and grow up and get to college sweetheart is a great achievment being scared and feeling as you do takes alot of possitive power and strength to get how far you have in life and the dyslexia its also hard for you sweetheart SO YOU SHOULD BE PATTING YOURSELF ON THE BACK!!!!!!!!!These people in your life that have put you down they are ignorant you have to understand this, They no not of what you have to deal with on a day to day basis, Your father g/f is jealous and immature she doesnt much like anybody does she sweetheart so lets get rid of her out of this path in your life as she only gives negative vibes...Your father sound like a man who canot stick up for himself let alone you where she is conserned so lets forget that he didnt stick up for you and think more along the lines that she is the boss of that household so it would be more than his lifes worth YEA! You could get intouch with your dad and ask if you two could meet up alone sometime as it would be nice to speak with just him, Then the balls in his court and you've done your bit, The O.C.D is a form of control over everything in your life that you have felt out of control with, this you can control when you want its routine in your life that makes you feel safe, It can be helped sweeypea!!!!I'll sent you a link on that ok, YOU GET THAT STRENGTH BACK THAT SHE HAS KNOCKED OUT OF YOU!!!!! she is the weak! YOU ARE THE STRONG!!!!!!Dont ever let anyone put you down hunny memorys will always be there but they cant come back in reality they are there to make us stronger and protect...Do not let one mean nasty childish immature bully of a woman that you are worth a million of do this to you.....Yes why not contact your dads g/f brother there is nothing wrong in this you seemed to get on very well, And no its not legally wrong to have a relationship with him he is no relation to you at all...You have to talk with your dad to try and get him to meet with you on his own hunny, And forgive him for not sticking up for you forgivness is the key to being free, ALWAYS REMEMBER THERE ARE SPECIAL PEOPLE OUT THERE AND YOU ARE ONE OF THEM......
http://www.ocduk.org/
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
ALWAYS HAVE FAITH IN YOU SWEETHEART!!!!GO TO YOUR COLLEGE! ITS MADE YOU HAPPY! SMILE (:0) YOUR 1 IN A MILLION HUNNY TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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