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female
,
anonymous
writes: My younger sister (19) has a new baby with a guy that is a very bad seed.. no job no, high school diploma, no license (cause he lost it due to well - bad things)And has been in jail many many times... oh and then there is the cheating on her and the drug use! She still keeps trying to make it work despite his continuous loser, no-life behavior, and yes onlookers I personally have given him everything him and his baby need to start a life and he screwed me too... I am trying to help my sister get away from him and help her realize she can live without him. How do I get her to be strong so she doesn't screw herself again?
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female
reader, honey_08 +, writes (25 May 2006):
 i think the best thing u can do is just to be with her all the time, show to your sister that your always be there for her to listen to her and to give some help if she need it. you need to give your sister a time, she knows what she's doing and u can not change everything. u can give advice but in the end she's the only one who can decide what to do or what not to do., like u are now, your asking for help/advice to help your sister but none of us ( Aunts) can tell u what u should do or not to do, were just giving u are own points of view and its all up to u if u listen or do whatever we say. i know u love your sister and i am sure ur a loving one, and i think its better that she will realize in her own way that her bf is not good for her, and it will end for nothing. let her realize her own mistake and let her learn from it, bec its all her decission, just be there all the time and support her.
takecare
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 The problem is that when someone is in a situation like this, there is nothing that you can say that will make them rethink or leave. They will only do this if and when they are ready to. All you can really do is be there for her, and listen to her when she needs you, be supportive and always make time for her. There is a reason why she is with this guy and only she knows it, she probably knows that hes no good, but wants to give him a chance anyway and just feels that given time things will be okay. Nothing you can say to her will make her leave, she will decide in her own time when she wants to and if you wants to do that.
My sister was in an abusive relationship for 7 years... but no matter how hard I tried I couldnt get her to leave him, he would rape her, beat her, and humiliate her in public...he even had a few gay encounters behind her back. It used to tear me apart watching this, but no matter what she would always go back to him. I would always be there for her, through everything, she would call me in the early hours from a phone box for me to go get her beacause he had hit her again, this would happen all the time, each time I would take her to mine, and protect her and make her feel loved tell her that she was worth so much more than this, but it didnt matter what I said, she would be with me for a couple of days and then go back to him because she said she loved him and couldnt be without him. Even when the police were involved one time she got cross because I called them! So the key is not to interfere until they want you to. NO matter what i did i coudlnt make her see, he had taken all her confidence and she couldnt see a life without him. All I could do was love and support her, be there when she needed me, show her that no matter what, I would always love her and comfort her. I had to watch this for so long that it really dragged me down as i couldnt stand to see her like it, it hurt like hell and i use to cry and worry all the time, but what it wasnt in my control, it was her choice, its easy to say take her away from it, but if someone doesnt want to do something and you make them they will will resent you for it.. But one day, she arrived at mine, bags in hand, told me she had left him for good and that I was right, and she was sorry for all the upset over the years, and there was no way she was going back, I at first thought this was the same old same old. But after of a couple of months I could see she meant it, 7 years of hell and she had realised that she had a life away from him and never looked back, I dont know to this day what changed her mind, something just clicked, but she did it on her own, and only when she was ready. Happy to say that shes now married to someone else and has two lovely children.
Anyway what im trying to so, is that no matter how hard it gets they will not leave until they want to, the more you tell them to the more they dont. But one day she will see, and understand what you were trying to do, just be there for her come rain or shine, so that she does have someone in her hour of need and in the long run she will thank you for always being there for her, and will apprieciate you more and your relationship with her will become stronger.
All the best
Take care
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2006): I can truelly see your concern for her ,your her sister and i can see a very loving one at that and you only want the best for her.But she is an adult and its up to her to continue the relationship even though it might not be the best for her.If you start influenceing this then it could easily back fire on to you and could put your relationship with your sister in to jeapody as the saying goes love is blind.I only wish she could see it herself but until she does just go along with the flow against your better judgement.And be for her when she finally see's the man for what he is herself. xxx
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Your love and continuing support is enough, sadly she does not see the looser he is like you, on lookers oftern see things that the person in love does not and the side you see is not a pleasant one.
Deep down she realises he is not a good person and in time she may leave him but this has to be her decision and not one influenced by you.
She will be looking to you for comfort and support and that is what you have to do for her, this way if she does have problems with him she will feel you are there for her in a non judgmental way, this will ensure if she is in trouble, frightened or hurting she will definatly come to your door.
Close that door by telling her what you think of him and telling her to leave him will surely make her dig her heels in for longer and definatly pride will make her stay with him and away from you, once you close the door it may stay closed for a very long time and you will never know what is going on in her life.
Love her and trust her and support her and be there for her.
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