A
male
age
30-35,
*achikinow
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend, "Nicole", for almost a year now. I have had one previous girlfriend, "Molly", who I dated a few years before Nicole. I'm Nicole's first real boyfriend and she is very turned off by the fact that Molly and I had an intimate relationship. I am still a virgin and have only ever done other sexual acts with Molly, but Nicole says "I hate that you've done stuff with another girl". and "I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it".Is there anything I can do to help her get over this? It has created a very large obstacle in every aspect of our relationship.Thank you
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female
reader, PixiePie  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 i can't stand that my partner has had sexual relations with anyone else, but he has, as have i, and he hates that.we get over it by knowing that it is so much better, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally because of the depth of our feeling. when you two do start becoming sexually active together, she will see that what you have is more special than what you used to have with "molly" because you and her share a connection and "molly" and you broke up for a reason.help her by reassuring her that "molly" was nothing compared to her etc etc.and, if possible, don't talk about "molly" in front of her, this will help her brain push what you did away from the forefront of her mind and help her get over it.
A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Maybe you should take her at her word. She says she can never get over the fact that you have been intimate with another girl. You can't undo that and if she truly feels that way she shouldn't be expected to change either.
She hasn't been intimate with anyone else and if its important to her to be with someone who has held himself to the same standard then be understanding and let her know you wish her well. You are sorry you can't be that guy.
I understand that you would likely rather change her feelings, but if YOU push this you are denying her right to her feelings, but if you acknowledge her feelings and let her go... then she is free to adjust her own feelings if she is able and willing.
If she can't "forgive" your past intimacy, its best to let go and move on now. You cannot undo what you've done in the past, but neither can you force her to change her feelings.
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