A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My sex life with my husband is not so great. He doesn't do foreplay. He doesn't kiss me at all. He thinks touching on my breast for like a second is so suppose to just get my hot and bothered. I have talked to him about, but nothing. After sex I am often left unsatisfied and angry. I don't want to cheat on him. I get more turned on reading about sex then when I actually have sex. What can I do to get him do more foreplay?
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female
reader, Torianne  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 From reading those replies which I assume are yourself itcomes across as though your husband isn't feeling very sexy anymore. Obvious I know but the truth.
First off
* Has anything changed in your lives majorly recently?
* Is he under any stress at work?*
And finally (apologies)
* Do you believe he is having an affair?
Many men seem to revert to the old "Caveman" style of intercourse if they are having their cake and eating it to. Not accusing your husband but from what you have said it may be something you have to look at.
I do think your husband is very selfish not wanting to please you, especially as you seem to be performing oral sex and generally making more of an effort to spice things up. Have you ever been to marriage counselling? It may be that a few sessions could get things out in the open. Also consider seeing a local sex therapist.
A
female
reader, MzMoni27 +, writes (13 July 2008):
I have been vocal. I do say "I love it when you kiss my neck or when you such on my nipples." I have even started kissing him and he would tell me to move. I have started giving him oral sex. Nothing. Nothing works. I have even taken his hand and placed it on my breast. I have taken his hand and tried to show him how to caress me. He just does nothing. He doesn't want to pleasre me in any kind of way. I do feel like he is having sex with me out of duty purpose. I don't come on to him anymore. He starts everything. He gets hard and he just wants to go at. He doesn't need me to turn him on and he doesn't want to turn me on. I feel like he is just using me. He says he loves me and when I stop having sex he gets mad and says I am not giving him sex. He doesn't feel like anything is wrong. I don't know what else to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Don't give him what he wants unless and until you get what you want. The more you put up with it, the more you're telling him that it's OK. Time to take some serious action.
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A
female
reader, MzMoni27 +, writes (13 July 2008):
Thanks for your reply. I do have books, video tapes, and guess what still nothing. I have even tried to be sexy with it. While we are having sex, I say baby, I like it when you touch me and i get to naming places. He still doesn't do anything. I even tell him where I want him to touch and what I want him to do. His response was it turns him off when I tell him what to do. It makes him feel like he doesn't know how to have sex. In my mind I am thinking you don't know how to please me. I feel like he doesn't want to please me after I tell him what to do. I am just lost.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): It sounds like your husband makes love as a form of duty as opposed to enjoyment. Although the common advice is to "talk about it" one cannot just switch on lust for someone. It is either there or not. I would imagine you knew of his limitations as a lover before you wed. Therefore, its a simple case of putting up with a poor sex life or seek fun elsewhere. You deserve to be happy.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 you say you get more turned on reading about sex - why not invest in a kama sutra or tantric sex book? reading this can encourage those who are otherwise rigid to try new positions etc. its not fair that your husband has ignored your attempts to better your sex life - so you need to persist. explain to him that you want to spend longer on foreplay with eachother, and that you dont want to have sex until your ready ie horny!!
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A
female
reader, Torianne +, writes (13 July 2008):
As a sex therapist, I have to be honest this is one of the most common problems!
Obviously, only knowing what you have read I cannot give you a proper analysis. Try to enage your husband sexually in more foreply, for instance send him a text telling him what you want to do to him when you see him. Or when actually starting to have sexy say something like "I love it when you touch me like that" or "i really love it when you kiss my neck and then suck my nipples". If you perhaps try and be more vocal with him that way then maybe he will start to do it. Men like knowing when they are doing something well.
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