A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so lonely that I am starting to feel very down. My Mum and Dad are both from large families yet they very rarely do anything socially together. They aren't nasty people, they just aren't social people. I have 14 first cousins, yet only one of them I could tell you what his address is. I long to belong to a close-knit family.I have friends, but many of them either live or have moved to different countries or hundreds of miles away in this country to settle down and get cheaper properties. I have only 2 friends locally - both of them are mega busy (one jetting up and down the country to support her family and another has just had a baby so can't come out in the evenings v often).As for my boyfriend, I might as well be on my own - we are in a LDR and hardly ever see each other and I think he takes the same view as my ex-boyfriend - that because my family don't want to know and that because most of my friends aren't local that I must be really unpopular for a reason and a billy-no-mates. I've almost seen my attraction to men fall apart overnight because of this - they don't seem to realise that it's my family's problem if they aren't interested in socialising with me and that we can't just 'pop' over to many of my friends for the evening because they live so far away. I've extended invitations to family and friends on numerous occasions and most of them come up with an excuse to decline them. I am very conscious of the fact that my parents won't be around forever, and that once they are gone I will have no-one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): As others have responded, get involved in extra activities like volunteer work, think about your passions and sign up for an art class, yoga class, or whatever interests you. You say that you're lonely, but you have family and friends, so reach out to them. Bring over a gift for your friend that just had a baby and see if she needs help or someone to talk to or go for a walk with her. Call up your friend who is traveling and see what she is doing. Try connecting with your family and inviting them to go out to lunch or see a movie. You're probably just going through a hard time, but try to get out there, eat healthy, exercise, and do some deep thinking about your life, and re-examine what makes you happy. It may be time to reevaluate the boyfriend situation since he doesn't seem to be too supportive. Once you get out there and start getting involved, you won't be so lonely and will quickly meet new people. Keep a journal, write down your thoughts and just live life to the fullest!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): You should move now and get more friends. Find a man you can have children with start your own family.. Get involved with groups and hobbies. There are many things you can do.. Join yoga. get yout nails done, join dance class. Just find a new man... Your parents want you to be happy so leave and start over. Get out there lie is short,, take a class, get a dog, walk the neighborhood. People are every where. Start a book club. Just do something, get off your ass and live your life.. Only boring people get bored, but dont be lonely or upset. I am sure you work hard and are fun to be with. If I get bored or lonely i go shopping or go to a class or just get out of the house, we go to the dog park, bake for neighbors or volunteer for the old people. Its fun. Alwasy put thingd on your calendar to do... So try it get out... Make some life changes. Your a winner and a beautiful charming women, so act like it. But a new dress get your nails and hair done.... dont just sit there do it now.....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 October 2009):
It sounds like you're having a bit of a crisis at the moment, so you have my sympathy.
First of all, address your boyfriend. He doenst' sound all that committed and LDR's aren't all that successful unless both are committed. Also, if he was a realy great boyfriend, why would he think there is something wrong with you. I'd consider that relationship. I wonder if you're not just with him because you fear even more loneliness?
Next, your family. Clearly they aren't into socializing, so don't try to change them. Speak to them occassionally, but don't pin your hopes on suddenly changing their outlook.
The friends issue is another matter, and can be fixed if you're willing to be brave. You have two close friends, both of who are busy. So this is your moment to branch out a bit, find a hobby or two (dancing is a great one), where you mix with other women and men and form new relationships. That's the only way to stop feeling lonely. Keep busy, love yourself and spoil yourself a bit more. I'd say do that more than try to change your family. Take your time getting to know people. Also, if you do feel down and lonely, perhaps consider therapy just so you can understand how you feel and why you feel that way. They might also be able to suggest some things to you as well. Good luck.
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