A
female
age
41-50,
*cared38
writes:hi Im scared and 38. I havent been in a relationship for 10 years, I was abused when i was a child. Im now good friends with a guy but every times he hugs me I breakdown and start crying. I really like this guy but Im so scared. Im my mind its like im 10 years old again. I go there when Im touched by anyone and start shaking. I really want to keep this relationship but Im so scared. What should I do? Do people ever learn to trust again. My boyfriend has said I should just trust him and if we cant have sex then its not a proper relationship. I really want to trust him enough but I dont choose to start crying it just happens and I dont know how to stop being so scared. What can I do to change how i am? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, moha  +, writes (23 October 2007):
dear, yes you have to trust but not him, you have to build self confidence and trust your abilities of right choice whatever happened to you is not your fault even if it was one shouldn't leave in agony lifetime for past experience i think what happened to you just added to your experience and built an inner believe in you (although i don't think you know it)that this special relation gets its maximum joy and pleasure when ignited by love and that what you are looking for, you said he is friend no think of him as love and things for sure will change to your best if you can't see him this way fine he is just a friend and nothing to worry about you are ok but just you don't see him up to win that very special prize and get mor intimate with you, and trust that one day you will meet the guy that will win your heart and make you forget whatever happened in your life even the day before..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): its hard.
I went through bad stuff too.
I still haven't done anything but kiss since let alone sex. but am getting better.
You got to build up to it build up the trust. you need to explain your situation and set some boundaries. it will only strengthen your relationship.
Gradually build things in take a step at a time. and don't rush go back to basics. may sound daft but start with holding hands and build it up to occasional hugs. Take it at your pace. It will build up your trust and confidence in him.
Him sticking by you and helping you through this will prove to you that he really does want you. But always talk to him about how you feel as much as you can. and ask him how he feels. this is crucial.
I hope you get through this
Dannie
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