A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was forced to do things i didn't want to by someone who i thought was a close friend 2 years ago now. Am still not fully over it now, i still have flash backs and get shaky and scared and thingswhen it came to telling my bf he was very understandign but every now and then when i get upset he gets annoyed. when i talk to him about it he says me being damaged good scares him. Him just calling me damaged goods upsets me. what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 I'd talk one of your school counselors and see what or where you should go, I'm in the US so I'm not sure what's all available where you are but I'd start with a school counselor.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Listen to peoriaman. People who have not gone through something similar cannot understand what it is like. I do agree with other responders that he should not be saying these kinds of things to you. However, I do not believe that he is a jerk. He is most likely having a very hard time dealing with his thoughts. Problems like this can happen at any age.
It is not uncommon for boys to be brought up thinking in this manner. They may even know that it is the wrong way to act, but years of upbringing can be very hard to overcome. He is probably hurting because you are not what he was taught what a girl should be. That doesn't make it right, of course.
Most importantly, you are NOT "damaged goods". I would bet that you are a very nice and caring person, one that would make a wonderful girlfriend to many boys. Unfortunately, you may run into this in future years. A future guy may think the same way as your boyfriend. If he does then he is probably starting to love you. If he doesn't care about you at all then he won't care about your past. At least you can have the small satisfaction that he is probably starting to care for you. Ideally, you would want someone who cares about you but doesn't care about your past. Hopefully you will find that someday, but you may also fall in love with someone who has the same problem as your current boyfriend.
As others have said, try to get counseling to help you feel good about yourself. If you don't feel good about yourself then even less hurtful words will make you feel badly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks
Where do i go for advice.
I mean i don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2007):
First off I'd dump the insensitive jerk of a boyfriend. Then I would seek some professional counseling to learn how to deal with what happened in your past. With counseling you will lose the flashbacks and regain your sense of control over your life. You'll be just fine, honey, and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): He should not reffer to you as 'damage goods" that's a horrible thing to say to someone you love. I don't think that he really cares. He have already been hurt badly and he should not add to it by calling you names. He should be supportive and willing to help you through this. Sometimes, people say that they love you but in the long run, they are only using you. Sounds to me like he has no respect for you. You deserve bettter. I am really sorry that you have had some bad things happen to you in your life. I am most certain that you are a good person and that you you deserve to be with someone who would treat you right. You are young and anybody can makes mistakes no matter how bad the mistakes.Bad things can happen to anyone. I pray that you get over these images of your past and that you can move on with your life. Pray really works, turn to God he understands more than anyone in this world. Just have the faith that he will help you. I wish you peace of mind and happiness as for your so-called boyfriend.....you need to dump him.
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